My old thread finally got locked. The things I learned on my first thread are unbelievable. I want to truly thank all of you for your input! Here’s the link.
W stopped by. She said “do you know what today is?”. I said “yeah, we were married 11 years ago today”. She might have wanted a more in depth response but I wasn’t going to go down that road, no way! I could tell she seemed sad,that was the end of that subject.
Thanks for your words. D8 meeting OM is difficult but the way I feel now, the more difficult the more i get to show how strong and determined I am.
Wow, I'm with you man. Today's got to be tough for you. I've caught up on your sitch. You're doing well. that BBQ sounded like a good time. I have to get myself invited to one of those. It's interesting that we started at around the same time and it looks like we're starting to get it at around the same time as well.
My big thing right now is that meditation course I'm taking. It's helped me detach and I'm also better able to chose what I'll be thinking about. Today has been a good day overall. I was able to have fun with D8 and to keep PMA in front of W, so much so that I think she was pissed off when she left 30 minutes ago. Nonetheless, I was kind and told her she looked tired and to take care of herself.
Now I'm here and I still feel pretty good. I hope I can maintain this and that W doesn't come up with a bomb, the way they seem to do as soon as we've got our heads on straight.
By the way, Rough. Re: Your anniversary, at least she remembered and mentioned it. She must also have it on her mind. I think that's good mate.
Keep up the good work,
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I took this off your thread, I think it's by Kaffe Diem. I wanted to include it on my thread because I think this is important for me to remember.
"Detachment is seen as being less emotionally attached to someone, their words, their actions... yet it seems people often miss what could be the bigger picture of detachment...
It is about understanding that our own personal contentment and happiness is about us and comes from within us...
IOW, when we are emotionally attached to someone (or something) we begin to believe that they are the reason for our happiness.This relates not just to our spouse, but also to a family member or even a friend. Just because you are not with your kids, your parents, your friends... does not mean that you cannot be happy... As it is... with our spouses...
With or without them...
And yet, we are still connected to... have a connection with... our kids, our parents, our friends...
When you know this, you can truly detach... when you truly detach, you will know this..."
Yeah, It sounds like the way I feel. I'm starting to feel happy within. This allows me to love W without expecting, needing her to love me back, and therefore feel pain when she doesn't.
Hope I can keep it up.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Dropped the kids off at W’s apartment. W rarely invites me to go chat on the balcony. I was a bit taken back when she made that overture. (As accuray calls it)
For once she didn’t want to have a money, logistics, kids conversation. She mentioned that she wanted to acknowledge our anniversary and she asked me how my day’s been. I am pretty sure she was alluding to it being our anniversary but I just told her I had a great time with the kids and that we had a lot of fun. She could tell I didn’t really want to just chit chat on her balcony. A couple times she said I didn’t need to come outside with her if I didn’t want to. It was a very brief encounter. Yes, it might have been a lost opportunity but I won’t try to beat myself up over it too much.
DB’ing is very hard however the one area that I would consider a real strength is that I don’t pursue.
Ok, don’t laugh. Well, you can make fun if you want, that’s ok. I was just rockin out to Just The Two Of Us by Will Smith. Great lyrics!
On a slightly more serious note. I need to ask myself why it’s hard for me to have a light conversation with W. It’s not like I am a introvert, far from it. Have any of you struggled with this? I think I know PART of the answer. First, I am an emotional SOB and it’s our anniversary. It wouldn’t take hardly anything for me to lose my composure and start crying like a little sissy. I believe my W wants a strong confident man and to start shedding tears isn’t something I was prepared to do. Also there’s a wall between W and I. We feel like strangers in a way. I didn’t know what to talk about with her! It just seems like the slightest wrong word out of my mouth could cause some issues and I don’t want that. I don’t get many opportunities of this nature, this light chit chat stuff isn’t easy for me.
I really wish we could all go out to dinner or do anything as a family. That would be a bit more comfortable. Especially to have our kids with us, that would lighten things up. That would feel slightly more comfortable but I don’t have that option and I won’t be asking.
I will chalk it up as an ok day. I am sure W will be getting all bent out of shape over the next couple days, for whatever reason she decides to come up with. Who cares though, that’s her issue.
I need to remember that it’s a good thing W is acknowledging our anniversary. I thanked her for inviting me out to the balcony and then I left.
Well done, Rough. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have done it myself. She was feeling emotional on that day and needed to share that at the moment. Tomorrow, when she doesn't need you anymore, you'd be back in the dog house. I guess it's might be some form of cake eating and you didn't fall for it. What you did was probably counter intuitive and I think thst now, she's wondering if she made the right choice when she decided to leave.
Just do what you do. IMO you're doing fine.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
The last text I received form W said, “I can’t believe it’s our anniversary”. Ok, I am done with the anniversary thing.
It was a pretty non eventful weekend. I didn’t really GAL this weekend. I was able to see the kids and I did a lot around the house. Took my Lab to the dog park a couple times, exercised, watched the Olympics, yard work, said a couple prayers, cleaned the Koi pond, etc… Wow, what a party!!!! Haa.
It's a good idea to be able to carry a light conversation, you want to be her friend and not run away. Read a newspaper so you'll have news to discuss, and there are also some iPhone apps with conversation starters -- just some interesting questions to start a conversation with. Obviously over time it will become natural but if you're feeling tongue tied right now, then use these things for help
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
