i'm so at my picnic - i could feel both mil and h relax at my house - it's safe here!!
Very important, that ^^^^^^, IMHO.
And a couple other things.
Betrayal is betrayal. I've mentioned this in other threads before and will post it her for your consideration.
At one point, my dad thought my mom was having an A. There's a number of behaviours from my mom that certainly could allow one to have that conclusion. In the end, he said it is true. "My W IS having an A. It's an A with the bottle."
Whether it is an OP, a bottle, or just some language or behaviours from the WAS, or even MLC... the LBS is hit with feelings of betrayal. That FEELING is the same, regardless of the reason / circumstances.
It is absolutely a feeling the WAS feels. IMHO, it is the basis for their justifications and rationalizations for leaving the M in the first place. The underlying feelings of betrayal (fear foremost, as well as the subsequent protective feelings such as anger) show up in their language and behaviours. And from observing some LBS, that betrayal can be the premise of the LBS's future...
As it does... or more so, can... in the LBS as they "move ON"... rather than "move FORWARD". Those two phrases are interchanged as though they mean the same thing. It may be semantics, yet people are susceptible to the minor nuances of languages.
From my learnings, my experience, my mentors...
Move ON - exclusionary, holding on to the feelings, based on the past
Move FORWARD - self focused and externally benign, working through and letting go, the feelings based on the past
I would strongly recommend getting really familiar with 25yrsmlc's sitch. She too... knew betrayal... IMHO, she moved FORWARD, rather than moved ON... She TOO, "kept the road home paved and smooth"... She TOO, remained a "safe place" for her H...
To mean, that is the epitome of moving FORWARD... as opposed to moving ON... Both of those phrases mean that a LBS potentially enters a future, absent the WAS... whereas moving FORWARD... ALSO includes a possible future with the WAS in it... and appreciate that possible future... focused on the good, rather than the bad... whether it is in a M... or just as two friends...
