Why should I be concerned about her? She is just about as crazy as he is, and if she were not feeding into his craziness I think he would have gotten help already. I have concrete reasons for this belief. But then I try to remember that she is so young, so sheltered and so weak herself, and that is when I worry for her. And he is a much older man, with great influence over her life. But, she has kept his fantasy world alive and fed and validated his delusions about me, even threatening to kick my a$$ for "hurting" him. She has put up with a lot from him. WHile they were together in the foreign country supposedly having such a magical time, every night and many mornings he was on the computer talking with me, telling me how much he missed me for hours. She was clearly there, watching him do this, was angry, wanted to go out and such, and he just seems to have refused, even changing his schedule which changed hers to accommodate mine. He talks about me to her so much, and now his messages to her are rather short and have lost much of the sexual quality they had for a bit(he did not even want to hear about the dream she had of him-just ignored that!!), but he still talks with her nightly when she calls him except when we are together. Not really sure what that means though. She is like a diversion from the pain of reality.
As to masochism, I do not like pain, but it seems that forward progress is not made in life until the pain that is blocking it is faced so that is what I prefer to do, face it and move forward. And I do not like the drama, but I do think it needs to be studied to find the root cause so that it can be eliminated. So I put myself aside and try to look at it clinically emotionlessly usually. And yes, I fear virtualy nothing for myself as I have already faced most of my things and lived through them, and am generally happy except with this one area of my life. But for him, I have great fear as he seems incapable of facing his things at this time.
As to suicide and violence, I sense he is moving closer and closer to both as time passes. If I communicate with him, he seems to move away from those two options somewhat but stay in place as to facing his issues, which is why I am torn as to this LTR and NC. He keeps asking me to be the one to contact him but I refuse. For months now he has been the one to always contact me and has done so on a daily basis until these last few days when I have refused him, and the manic behavior has escalated in leaps and bounds. But the break has been good for me as I have had time to regroup and think. Thank you for you thought provoking discussion and please keep up the hard questions and telling me when you think I am full of BS. Today I have more of a sense of peace to begin my day with.
