Well first of all I have a good weekend planned. I took a vacation day and am treating myself to a 3 day weekend. I am so happy about that extra day. Tomorrow as a birthday gift and special outting Im taking the girls out of town for the 100th anniverary celebration of Girl Scouts. There's someting big planned in a town a few hours away so we're going. We're happy, and Im thrilled to go. I tell ya I have so much fun with my girls. We're still a normal family, in that the girls fight, I get tired and nee a break from them at times, but other than that we all just have a blast together. I am truly blessed and grateful to have such wonderful girls as my children. They truly are the only reason I've emerged and come out on the other side of this hell. I made myself put one foot infront of the other no matter how dark it got for me.
There were times that I was so low, so devastated that I literally wanted to end it all. I even thought about it and semi even started thinking of a plan in ending it all. However the vision of the looks on their faces knowing I was gone, and how their lives would change made me keep walking no matter how hard it was. Honestly if I didnt have my girls, I think I might have ended it all.
I can't believe I got that low over this person, but I did.
In regards to changing energy, and the MLCer changing, my thoughts weren't that things would happen magically if we did positively change our energy. Have Mercy we could be running a 3 ring circus with one hand tied behind our backs the MLCer would still find fault with it if they're still in the tunnel! I know many LBS's that have grown by leaps and bounds and their MLCers are still out twisting in the winds of insanity. MLC ends in their time, if it ends at all.
For some reason it just seemed to click with me, how in some sitch's the LBS's seem to get a good momentum going in their lives, and then the MLCer sometimes seems to come around AFTER this has happened. I find the concept of positive energy and how it effects everything it touches amazing. It does work, I've been working with this for a while. I've seen results in my life that it does worl. However I do realize that in order for positive energy to have good effects on people, the people need to be receptive to this, on a pure and wholesome way. Not use it for gain and self absorption.....kinda like an XH MLCer I know that takes advantage of my kind manner any chance he gets.
I completely agree that the MLC should NOT BE STOPPED. As I look back, I strongly suspect that XH's MLC's were stopped two times before... but by him, not me! He left on his own accord and came back on his own accrod two times before. Each time before he left, he spiraled into MLC behavior and would leave very angry. Then he would ask to come back on his own accord. Things would be better for a while and then the MLC behavior would start again. The second time he left, he came back 2 days later crying with his tail between his legs. The girls wouldn't speak to him for 2 days. Things were better for about 6 months, and here we go again! MLC behavior for another year, and then he finally leaves....for good this time. And this time it appears he's finally just DOING IT. Just sticking with the MLC.
You know I used to be hung up on time frames and how long this would last. Now, I don't even care. I can tell you it won't be soon, or if ever. Right now Im trying to figure out if this is mLC or I was just in complete denial of what an @SS I was married to. The girls came home from staying a night with him, and had interesting things to say.
The last few times they've stayed with XH, he makes it a point to not only let them know the cell phone and netflix may be turned off at any moment due to his financial strains, but now it's his cable and internet may be cut off too!
He asked the girls if they wanted to go to Walmart yesterday but if they went the had to take OW cause she pays for all the groceries (food stamps). The girls opted NOT to go to Walmart.
He took the girls to a second hand store and got them some cute stuff. He got D12 a stuffed animal. Later he said to D12, that he should use her stuffed animal for TARGET PRACTICE!
D12 set him straight right away. XH didn't like it. Im so proud of her. My encouragment of letting their father know they don't like his behavior at times is working. They're learning to assert themselves.
Xh was grumpy, complained of being tired and didn't want to do much. He told the girls that all his Rock Star energy drinks were finally catching up to him???? I also know when he used to down those energy drinks he had a mood shift, and a nasty one right quick. Guess he's been sucking them down for months.
D12 has an appt with a urologist on XH birthday. D12 wants me to take her because this is a personal matter of her still having bedwetting issues. She doesn't want to share this with DAd, even though he knows of her problem. XH told 12 he could take her in the morning if she spent the night before her appointment. She said " no I want mom to take me dad". XH " FINE!"
Oh by the way, last summer when we were talking about D12's bedwetting issue, he made a really nasty remark. He said D12 was too lazy to get out of bed and just wet it on purpose. He said that I should go in her room and threaten to put a cathetar inside of her if she doesn't get out of bed and go to the bathroom and that's she just like his cousin.
Do I want this man back? A man that tells the kids he wants to use their stuffed animals for target practice? Tells me to shove cathetars inside them for bedwetting?
No way. Hell No. I will not treat myself nor my children so unkindly as to ever get involved with someone like that ever again.
Do I want the old spouse back that was kind, caring, fun, and adorable? Sure, that would be nice. But he doesn't exist anymore and not sure if that really was true or not.
