Mr. Bond, I am not sure how you expect me to act/discuss him. Would it help to know that I feel as though I have lost the world? That I feel as though I lost my best friend/partner/lover/my soulmate/my other half? That we were always so close that I feel his pain in my bones? That I lost 30+lbs because I could not eat? That I fear for his safety and sanity every minute of every day? That I cry everyday and mourn so deeply for the man that was all of those things and more that I cannot even get close to another person? That he was always Superman in my eyes? That I respected him and was so proud of him that I gave up opportunities for myself for jobs and education when they would have meant more seperations for us? That I worked so hard to be the top in my field so he would be proud of me, to show him how much I appreciated his love, help, and support-to be able to give him a good life in the future? That I helped him write his books and articles even when it was detrimental to my work/health/education? That I was so supportive of his accomplishments/career that I understood when he did not come home when I had heart surgery? That I put up with his sister saying horrible things about me just to make his relationship with her easier? That I pray each day that God give me the pain that is too much for him to bear, and to please help him? You see the truth is that I love this man so very much and I am so scared for him, not for me. So sometimes I get frustrated/scared/angry when he seems just dead inside, when he speaks of crazy things and ending it all, about how he feels as though he is walking around in a fog, and does not care about anything, or see any point in continuing, when he just continuously tears me down with comments about my low IQ, my inability to think, my stupidity, my being old, my being weak, my being irresponsible, my having friends who are trash, my attracting men who are bas****s, my being a B, C**t, Wh**e, my not being a scholar of equal calibur, my being so weak I let others hurt me, my crying too easily, my being unhealthy and fat-at 135, my turning my back on him, my not being faithful to him etc. So eventually yes, I do strike back, not every time, but sometimes and it seems to remind him he is still alive, and he seems to think about what I say as he comments on those things later.
