telling my story of the cuckoo

[25yearsmlc]

I may have missed it, but did you say you read the Div Busting or Div Remedy Book? You must do so. They form the basis of this site which is a Solution based approach to relationship problems.

That means, in part, that a lot of history and re-hashing the past is NOT all that helpful. It tends to take the focus OFF what we CAN control...which is only ourselves.

That's why a lot of what follows isn't that helpful to how your r can be improved NOW as of today and from this day forward...

A few words of background on him and I. I was married to a physically abusive drunk and drug addict when we met. Exhusband would beat me physically and Cuckoo figured that out quickly. He was supportive and helped me during the divorce.

No offense, but I'm surprised at your constant reference to your fiance as "Cuckoo". IF he's mentally or emotionally ill, he needs compassion from you.

If he's in MLC then that's another matter and if he is simply a big jerk & always will be, then you don't need to repair much, just let go.

So I'm wondering if it helps YOU at all, to continually disrespect him this way?

Mind you, I KNOW he has not treated you well.

But he's not here posting to us, or asking how HE can improve.
You are here and you are the only one we can try to help.




Now the truth of the matter is that I am no shrinking violet and defended myself during those attacks. But Cuckoo is now raising the issue of how I was beaten and put up with it. The reality is that when Ex beat me, I fought back like a lion, even sending him to the hospital once after he threw me out of bed and beat my head on the bedroom wall for several minutes. When I got away I chased the man down the street with a real 2x4, and he never beat me again.

I don't know how any of this^^^ relates or helps to re-hash at the moment.


But now cuckoo is swinging his hands in punching motions centimeters from my face when he gets mad talking of beating me etc. I am afraid that causes a flashback to my Ex and I just lose control eventually. This last time he did that, I held control of my temper for 7 minutes before I lost it when he threw a chair at me.

This is dangerously unstable behavior. Why would you stay in the room? Why not leave and call the police?



Otherwise I just stood there looking at him, not answering, hoping he would wear himself out, but that just made him madder. Normally, he would never hit me, but I think he might be working up to that in his tirades. We can never outrun our pasts it seems.

You need to read the books, see an ind counselor and get out of the area when he's there. You're in a physically threatening situation, and your behavior concerns me too.

Are you getting professional help? That's not an insult; I've been there and done that.

Also have you seen a L or done the research to know if you have any rights to the property or debts you two have?

Finally, when you fight, there have to be SOME things that are simply never ever said.

I'm not simply telling you to "take the higher road" but also that some words cannot really be forgotten, once said.

Comments about sexual performance to a man are rarely, if ever, something a guy can recover from. You just can't go there. Make sense?

There's a lot more to this situation but it's a disturbing one.

Also a small thing for you to work on (but key for me at least) is how you post.

If you can break it up into small paragraphs, it's much easier for me to read and then respond to.

A long narrative tends to blur & it's easy to lose my place. So, just a suggestion-break it up into smaller parts.