Signature updated to reflect how long we have been together/married, as well as ages of children.
We married young which is definitely a contributing factor, because at the beginning of the Marriage I wanted my cake & eat it to. Meaning I wanted to go out and hang with friends & come home to her when I was done (very stupid/immature). So after about 2 years into our Marriage she left me while I was stationed in Hawaii & moved back home to Florida (before we had kids). We were separated for about 8 months and pretty much had zero contact (DETACHED) with her. I went home for my buddies wedding in Florida & called her to see if I could come talk etc...
We got back together at this time, then she moved back to Hawaii with me. Her sister called me b4 she moved back to let me know not to trust her & that she had (2) PA's while we were together 1st time around. She owned up to it, begged for forgiveness, had no excuses, so I forgave her. I loved her and missed her very much & felt that I wasn't the man/husband I was supposed to be, so her owning up to it & truly being forthright about it made it easy to forgive her.
From that point (summarized) forward our marriage was pretty decent, with the occasional & natural squables every now and then that all couples have. I feel that the downturn in our marriage was around the beginning of 2009 (already out of military into Corporate America by 2003). That was when I was layed off from a very high paying job (with the debt to go with it). From there we had to file for Bankruptcy. I wasn't quite myself after layoff & bankruptcy (pride/whoa is me attitude), so for 3 years I was distant, angry, depressed etc. and wasn't there for her emotionally when I should have been.
She was a full time elementary teacher for many years, but had taken about 2 years off, which is when I was laid off. Just my opinion: But she was a phenominal teacher who received praise every day from Parents, Students, & Faculty. I think receiving that praise from work on a daily basis might have been what kept her from relying on my gratitude and praise for what she did for all of us as a stay at home Mom (which I clearly didn't do enough of). But what do I know
We never really spent enough quality time together without the children, as well as after my loss of self esteem etc. She told me early on after the Bomb was dropped, that what she missed most about me was My sense of humor, Self Confidence (she also said cockiness), and my outgoing personality. I basically became a whinny angry, whoa is me attitude kind of guy who was miserable, which projected onto her and others.
I think I really screwed the pooch at the beginning of this process. Because since she dropped the Bomb on me in March, I have pursued, whinned, begged, cards etc...Basically everything that all of you and MWD advise against. Who wants to be with a very whinny & weak blubbering fool? I didn't start DBing until about a week ago after I received the paperwork. Up until then I was praying non-stop & relying on the same old crappy tactics of pursuit & begging. Not sure if there is OM involved or not, and honestly don't give a ratz A$$! If there is, I wouldn't blame her a bit. I really hit bottom and totally abondoned the Confident & Fun-Loving Guy that her and everyone else loved me for.
I will elaborate on anything else that you guys need to know & truly have nothing to hide! I obviously don't want to make one post way too long though.
Definitely ready for some assistance, motivation, and ya'll to keep me grounded and moving in the right direction.
Also I have been going to IC & church since this all started, and truly feel great about becoming me again. This of course upsets her tremendously, because she said that why does it take me doing this for you to want to change?
