Need help with detaching and hoping to reconcile.

[greatwhitenorth]

He said something (a little snotty) and looked at me with, what I call, his your such an idiot look.

Is the snotty-condescending something new, or is there a history of this sort of treatment?
Do you think you're being hypersensitive, or do you think he IS being snotty and condescending?

I immediately jumped into an explanation and eventually just apologize.

Nip that in the bud. You made an honest, innocent mistake and had nothing to apologize for. You should not have been made to feel (in so far as anybody *makes* anybody feel anything) stupid or guilty. And guilt is a choice.

I'm not accusing my H of anything here. This is my problem. I think most of these situations could be turned around, I could use a different approach and diffuse the tension I instantly feel. The only thing I can think of is instead of excuses and apologies I could say something like "it's a good thing you looked or saw or whatever, it's helpful to have a second set of eyes, thanks"

If he really is being snotty and condescending and you are not being hypersensitive, then it is NOT your problem. He is treating you inappropriately and you are reacting/responding wrongly and you both are probably setting a really bad example for your son.

AND if this is the case, you might add to your *praise* for him noticing an innocent oversight of yours, something about him treating you and speaking to you appropriately and with respect ESPECIALLY in front of your son. They pick up on the smallest of things. It can be said calmly and nicely and is a boundary that we all need. There is no excuse for rudeness and snotty-condescending.