Rough, Glad to hear you went to the BBQ and hung out with some friends. Its awesome to be "in the moment" at something like that and later realize that you haven't once thought about all of the other crap going on in life. I think that has alot to do with detaching and GAL....learning to live in this moment right now, we have no control over the future and can't change the past so if we can simply learn to "do" this moment correctly then everything else will take care of itself.
Its almost uncanny to hear you say that she called with some complaint right after you finished...its as though they have a sixth sense and know your head is clearing and your smiling and thats when they call. I had a day earlier this week when everything went incredibly well....I was smiling and feeling good and knew that if I didnt stall some that she and I would run into one another at my parents b/c she was going by there to pick up S11...so I stalled for 45 minutes trying to make sure she would be there and gone before I showed up.....not that I dont want to see her, just that one day didnt want to have to have an interaction......after stalling 45 minutes I show up and of course she's there and she's just leaving. So we had to have the interaction I didnt want to have....and then she blew out the door. Guess I should have stalled for 46 minutes.
Its interesting to hear you talk about you and W still loving each other very much....i feel the same way and know that my wife does as well, but im still not sure that she's not going to file the papers in a couple more months. I really don't know and am not trying to mind read at all, but I do think that she is capable of "loving" me and still wanting a divorce. Personally its not something I understand, but I know its what she has said.
Going to BBQ's, GAL, hanging with friends...all of that is great, but I think what we have to work toward is being able to have those quiet moments without being consumed by our sitch's. Its pretty easy to have a great time with friends and forget about everything for a bit....and its necessary to do so, but at some point we all have to be able to sit around quietly and our thoughts not be dominated by thoughts of the sitch. Im certainly not saying im there.....im scared to death of quiet time...the only way I can do it right now is to have a book in my hand and I haven't read a thing thats not relationship related in the past 10 weeks since my sitch started.
But I know that at some point you have to move forward and be able to have those quiet moments....and I really think they come from getting out and doing things like the BBQ and other GAL activities....when you can begin to not think about it in those times then your on the road to being able to not think about it at other times.
