Grace, Love, Compassion, & Faith - Looks Like What

[JustStunned]

Val, so people that fear being wrong or being discovered wrong project their problems upon a scapegoat, so much so that they actually believe it to be true and themselves justified. Hmmmmm this sounds familiar.

We cannot react back in kind as this fuels their justification. We cannot accept their belief as this fuels their truth with something we know is false. I hate to sound like a broken record, but at the risk of doing so the best thing we can do is stay detached marching to our truth, while they rail impotently.

S, XS STBXS or some numb nuts we’re working on a project with, doesn’t matter, it is all the same. As they rail impotently and we march to our truth the other people who matter and some who don’t, see the truth and if we’re fortunate stand up to be counted.

We’ve seen it and having seen it we take from it a lesson and a belief we must be doing something correct.

We want to get the best from people around us. You are absolutely correct bullying is not the path to follow. Bullying is the path people is choose when they scapegoat. It is not working well for them is it?

We’ve conversed enough for you to know my background, my former profession. Bullying doesn’t work, it is actively discouraged b/c it is counterproductive to getting the mission accomplished.

Leadership, discipline and personal belief in the objectives is what accomplishes missions. There are many traits of good leadership. One of the more obscure ones is good leaders also follow.

Oh and by the way Numb Nuts is a condition caused when an individual has their head stuck so far up their own anal orifice they have cut off blood flow to their testis. Strangely I have found this condition is not gender specific.

Peace and hugs (((((Val))))) you’ll get through to the other side.

[Valeska19]

Oh and by the way Numb Nuts is a condition caused when an individual has their head stuck so far up their own anal orifice they have cut off blood flow to their testis. Strangely I have found this condition is not gender specific

Your whole post was great... but this... this made me laugh out loud.

Thanks JS!

[Valeska19]

I'm 99% locked on signing the papers on the 18th of August. W already said she was available and I agreed.. I'm making the commitment to not take work on that day.

It was very weird. I've had this urge to just get out of limboland but it is always overcome by fear. I had a moment today where the fear subsided.. so I took advantage and jumped.

The decision has been made. I cannot take it back... and when I'm thinking straight - I would not want to.

I know I am still not done. I still do not want the D. But it is out of my hands.

If I believe that God wants his best for me.. than this is it. I don't have to like it.. I don't have to understand it.

I just have to believe it to be true.

I am coming up with a gameplan. I will figure out how to DB yet protect myself. I will figure out how to show the best Val w/o the expectations of something from her.

I will accept that no matter the interactions or the outcome, I will be SAD that day.

There is much work to be done in a week.

[25yearsmlc]

I'm 99% locked on signing the papers on the 18th of August. W already said she was available and I agreed.. I'm making the commitment to not take work on that day.

It was very weird. I've had this urge to just get out of limboland but it is always overcome by fear. I had a moment today where the fear subsided.. so I took advantage and jumped.

The decision has been made. I cannot take it back... and when I'm thinking straight - I would not want to.

Val, take a breath...and then take another.

YES YOU CAN TAKE IT BACK...if you want...and if she wants.

You can stop the paperwork OR Better yet,

create a whole new r and marriage--IF YOU BOTH WANT TO...

and if not, then so be it. You knew THAT marriage had ended....awhile back.





I know I am still not done. I still do not want the D. But it is out of my hands.

If I believe that God wants his best for me.. than this is it. I don't have to like it.. I don't have to understand it.

I just have to believe it to be true.


OR that it can change!!!!..so very little is written in stone...

I am coming up with a gameplan. I will figure out how to DB yet protect myself. I will figure out how to show the best Val w/o the expectations of something from her.

Sounds good Val!!!

I will accept that no matter the interactions or the outcome, I will be SAD that day.

Okay- so you can be sad...we all have been sad, and God knows YOU have been sad....but

what if you breathe a sigh of relief? What then? What if the sadness ends and you are healthier and happier?

Would that be alright too? (Oh, btw, the answer is YES)


There is much work to be done in a week.

Hey you aren't God....of course there's more work to be done - and after that some more!...life's that way my friend.

but You, I KNOW, will be more than alright.

YOU, I KNOW, will thrive oh so soon.

I for one, can't WAIT to see your progress in the coming months!!

[Valeska19]

The decision has been made. I cannot take it back... and when I'm thinking straight - I would not want to.

Val, take a breath...and then take another.

YES YOU CAN TAKE IT BACK...if you want...and if she wants.

You can stop the paperwork OR Better yet,

create a whole new r and marriage--IF YOU BOTH WANT TO...

and if not, then so be it. You knew THAT marriage had ended....awhile back.

Key word being "and". Right now I'm alone in not wanting to be done. I can accept that.. but because there is no "and" I feel no need to hold up the process any longer. It's beginning to feel like I am being held back instead.

I know I am still not done. I still do not want the D. But it is out of my hands.

If I believe that God wants his best for me.. than this is it. I don't have to like it.. [b]I don't have to understand it.

I just have to believe it to be true.


OR that it can change!!!!..so very little is written in stone...

I know that things can change.. too much has happened in the last year for me to believe otherwise... and I do mean GOOD changes.

what if you breathe a sigh of relief? What then? What if the sadness ends and you are healthier and happier?

Would that be alright too? (Oh, btw, the answer is YES)

I feel this is quite possible. In some ways I actually fear it. I fear what I might feel after the feeling of relief. Crazy isn't it?

There is much work to be done in a week.

Hey you aren't God....of course there's more work to be done - and after that some more!...life's that way my friend.

but You, I KNOW, will be more than alright.

YOU, I KNOW, will thrive oh so soon.

I for one, can't WAIT to see your progress in the coming months!!

Thank you very much! I really appreciate you saying that!!

Speaking of you - How are you doing? Has your H deployed yet?

[BklynMom]

"Very little is written in stone" LIKE

Only time will tell.

Your come a long way baby

Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

(More cliches later)

[Valeska19]

Just thought I would journal a bit.

My feelings are surprising.

W emailed me to ask if we could do Sunday instead of Saturday. I informed her that bank was closed.

Her response was "Right.. I'm committed to being somewhere at 11:30, so it will just have to be early, cause we have the bank, aaa, and a notary to get to. "

I responded saying that was fine and to let me know when and where and I'll be there.

When I was typing the response - all I could think was..

"I just want to get this over".

But not in a fear way.. but in a good way.

Although it is true that I am not done, I AM ready to move forward. To move past the pain and just to be done...

and the thought of not being in limboland or not worrying about her contacting me in regards to the D... honestly.. has me excited.

The thought of healing.. makes me smile.

And those thoughts pushed me to not accept pushing the signing any longer.

I.. want... to... live... well.

She has not responded with the where and when..

But I don't have that sick feeling in my stomach about it currently.

All I'm thinking is "I hope she get's back to me soon. I hope she doesn't cancel".

Because I have plans all weekend. Line Dancing on Friday night and hanging out on the beach after.

I'm spending it with people that I love dearly and vice versa.. and I just can't wait to spend the weekend with them.

Crazy things happening here.. I just don't know what to make of it.

[needgrace]

dear sweet val,

i don't even think you need that glove anymore for protection.
you seem to have found acceptance with what is, concerning the D, and thus it has lost its power..

and you have found your power along this path.

and it has been so inspiring to me. thank you.
(((((((((((( )))))))))))))

[Valeska19]

Thanks NG.

It has been a journey.

It's official - This Saturday @ 9:30a

W threw in some last minute paperwork. To be honest - it upset me a little. She's been wanting this for months and she had to spring this on me NOW..

but I let it go. My w was always a procrastinator.

The document is a property agreement which stated how we are splitting our property due to irreconcilable differences.

I won't lie. The terminology bothers me. I know it shouldn't it.. but by saying it that way - it's saying that I agree...

.. and I just don't. I don't think our marriage is unfixable.

But I guess it is.. when the other person doesn't want to fix it.

For me - it just feels I'm admitting that I agree and it lets her off the hook.

I went off on my friend about other reasons. Tears flowing from my cheeks

How about divorcing because:
1 - W was unfaithful
2 - W chose to stop loving me
3 - W emotionally abused me

What about the reasons why I want to move on. Why do I always keep my mouth shut and be the bigger person.

And this is what she wrote. I thought I would share.

--------------
Val,
being upset about wording is not what you're upset about
you're upset bc you think it makes her not have to own up to what she did to you that by saying ID she doesnt have to admit and apologize and you are correct.

bc if she or any person filing for divorce did that...they prob wouldn't be getting a divorce theyd be working it out

unfortunately honey, you are probably NEVER going to hear that from her. Hardly any of us do. But you move on and you do what you can to change yourself and protect yourself in the future and you look for better

It's hard...TRUST ME I understand wanting closure and someone to acknowledge how they hurt you but you have to move on without it and if they ever do years down the road its an added bonus

Rest in who YOU ARE today. REST IN the fact that you are loved beyond measure by YOUR heavenly FATHER. Rest in the fact that you have AMAZING friends who would do anything for you
and an AMAZING family who loves you and would move across the country to be WITH YOU

THOSE ARE THE FACTS OF LIFE YOU SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON

NOT what some stupid words on a declaration of independence say
It IS your declaration of independence
your independence from an abusive relationship
independence from always being told you don't look good
independence from the lack of LOVE and respect you deserved for years

IT'S YOUR INDEPENDENCE to be FREE to be the AMAZING Val you've become over the past year!!!! Without the added stress of a virus in your life like she's been..trying to ruin and take down who you TRULY ARE

You are FREE my friend

I LOVE YOU and am SO PROUD of you

---------

Yeah.. my friend is pretty awesome.

[needgrace]

yes, she is awesome and so are you, val. i cried when i read her words about YOUR independence..

my friends keep saying that i deserve better, not that my W is not a good person, but that i deserve someone who can truly love.. and i think your friend is telling you that you do too.

that phrase really bothers me too. thank you for sharing your friend's wisdom about how to deal with it.

i will be keeping you in my prayers this week.

love to you, val.