except the part where it mentions "willing to do the things YOU are not"...b/c
really, no one else matters. This is YOUR journey and yours alone, except that you are not alone in it.
Make sense?
Originally Posted By: heartbrokeinsd
why do i succeed?
i succeed because i am willing to do the things you are not. i will fight against the odds. i will sacrifice. i am not shackled by fear, insecurity or doubt. i feel those emotions-drink them in, then swallow them away to the blackness of hell. i am motivated by accompishment, not pride. pride consumes the weak- kills their heart from within. if i fall- i will get up. if i am beaten- i will return.i will never stop getting better. i will never give up- ever.
that is why i succeed.
i have been reading this quote for a long time. thats what not falling means to me jack3beans.
Dakota
Keep up the good work Dakota...I read your earliest threads.
You are indeed getting better and stronger.
I hope you found a good AA group and that you keep up that work too.
People can change; we do all the time. You already have. Keep it up.
It's called growth.
Soon, you will be posting here helping others. I don't know where your wife will be but this is not a contest with HER;
it's you being the best man YOU can be...a man only a fool would leave.
A man teaching his children what that ^^means...
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
wow..kinda teared up a bit there..been awhile. yeah i have a good homegroup. i go to some good meetings. my sponsor is cool. we dont talk as much as others. i like it that way.
i am not competing with my W. i try not to think about her. if i do i focus on the good stuff.. keeps my pma going. i am not a failure. that i know. i simply decided i have had enuff. i am focused on me. me being better means i will be able to teach my kids how to be adults. my son how to be a man. i know i will be a man only a fool would leave. i am getting there. it will be a lifelong endeavor and i look forward to it.
as far as helping others...lol yeah right. just dont do what i did. i dont have any great insights or anything. i am just me. that is good enough for me. i try not to be all self rightous and preachy to people. maybe one day i will be able to help. gotta sew myself back together first. i was broken, but with the help of god and many people here, i am putting the pieces back together.
where my w goes only she knows. this is my path and she has hers. somethin mach1 said to me awhile ago has really stuck. about the angry lady at the hairdresser. 10 or 20 years down the road, do i want to be that angry, resentful, bitter lady? he11 no!
you already get it. That's a pretty fast learning curve, even it did take you to hell and back to learn it.
I've had many clients spending most of their lives trying to be proved "right" or at least
"not as wrong" as the WAS and they miss the whole point.
You sound solution based. Like you want to focus NOT on who did what wrong or when
or where the scorecard is....(scorecards just don't belong in marriages)
but you seem focussed on what you can control----YOU.
And that's a big deal Dakota. It's huge. So keep doing that.
You are on your path and she's on hers. She's not really your business anymore (as long as she doesn't hurt the kids)
and all you have to worry about is YOU and your kids. Simplifies things really.
Work the program, whether it's AA or DBing...b/c the program works.
We hammer the GAL a lot here, b/c it works too. So do what you can and keep up at the meetings
When I said someday you'll be here posting I meant it. NOT b/c you'll be the almight guru
but b/c you've been there, done that. And people need to know that although
your pain is deep, it's not fatal.
Though your pain is lasting - it's not eternal.
You DO get better and so will your life. (It already is when you think about it. A growing sense of peace is beginning to show itself...)
And there are always going to be people who need to hear that they, like you,
can survive this....and someday thrive.
You're taking the steps you need to take.
Sorry about the jail time. I assume it was your 2nd or 3rd DUI but I hope no one was injured.
B/C then some good can come out of this. Been there, done that.
I lost a dear friend of mine to a drunk driver, I was in law school.
But just one year earlier, SHE had been drinking and driving, (to my engagement party-w/ME in the car)
We all lived and there was no DUI or injury...but there but for the grace of God go I, or her, etc.
Try to see it as a blessing b/c if you stay sober, it will have been well worth it.
I know that sounds crazy but it's not. Too much history to share tonight but my dad was a brilliant educated raging alcoholic and I'm telling you that sometimes I wish he'd gotten arrested and then gotten help.
Our lives might have been so much better...
you and your kids can make it right now.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
thanks 25...sadly it was my 4th dui..pretty ashamed of that. you are right though. thats what it took to get my head out of my you know what. i am glad it happened. yes the consequences arent fun, yet i need them to help me focus. i am going to be who i want to be.
i have been through hell and back. i am greatful for the journey. i have begun to find the peace i have been searching for for so long. i found out how strong i can be too. that is a blessing. today is my anniversary. W contacted me about dumb stuff. i kept it nice and didnt bring it up. it doesnt matter anymore.
you are very right.. scorecards have no place in marriage. i choose to remember the good times, which there were plenty. one day i hope we can be friends again so we can be successful co parents.
i have really changed my outlook on life. i look for positives in everything now. i seem to find them too..lol
here is to quotes i really like..
"you need to stand in the rain in order to see the rainbow"
"when life gives you lemons, you paint that sh1t gold"
alot is changing in the next month. there is going to be alot of stuff going on and it is going to be a test of my focus. i am moving in 2 weeks across town. the same day i move in i bring my son up to northern mn for hockey camp. i start back to college at the end of the month and i will be divorced by the end of the month. its is kind of overwhelming but i am managing it right now. we will see where this new path goes. i am excited and nervous.
so..applied for school got fafsa filled out finally. uugghh.. anyway, W has been surprisingly nice lately. even met us to pick up son's football pads tonight. was nice the whole time. walked with D holding both of our hands like we used to. i am going to miss that.
wrote my own response to the D papers. i can't afford L, so i am doing the best i can. i move to a smaller house next saturday. i am kind of excited. been kind of depressed the last few days. i will get through it. work has been demanding and i have alot going on.
It's good that work is busy, gives you something to focus on.
Sounds like you're getting what you need to do done. This isn't a recommendation but look up Nolo Press. You might find some help there.
I'm sure the depressed, sad feelings will cycle just like with every other situation that includes grief. Just remember that you may feel that way today but tomorrow you.ll feel different.
Thinking of you.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
thanks 25...sadly it was my 4th dui..pretty ashamed of that. you are right though. thats what it took to get my head out of my you know what. i am glad it happened. yes the consequences arent fun, yet i need them to help me focus. i am going to be who i want to be.
i have been through hell and back. i am greatful for the journey. i have begun to find the peace i have been searching for for so long. i found out how strong i can be too. that is a blessing. today is my anniversary. W contacted me about dumb stuff. i kept it nice and didnt bring it up. it doesnt matter anymore.
you are very right.. scorecards have no place in marriage. i choose to remember the good times, which there were plenty. one day i hope we can be friends again so we can be successful co parents.
i have really changed my outlook on life. i look for positives in everything now. i seem to find them too..lol
here is to quotes i really like..
"you need to stand in the rain in order to see the rainbow"
"when life gives you lemons, you paint that sh1t gold"
Dakota
LIfe feels different without the alcohol. Pay attention to who drinks alot and who doesn't. It's going to help you to make choices which are sustainable over the short term.
"Be a man a fool would leave"? Sometimes they are being a fool chasing "fools gold", don't get upset behind it.
thanks bug..i appreciate the info on nolo..am looking into it now. work has been keeping my mind of stuff so thats good. the cycle is getting old, that is for sure. still kind of crabby today, but i will get over it. looking forward to having fun with my kids this weekend.
