Newbie and ready for hard work

[dj21]

Happy Thursday...today was a good day. My dilemma from yesterday was resolved without any action on my part. H called today and was pleasant, he asked if I had time to talk. I am not good at instant control of my emotions at this point and so I was very nervous. I just tried to focus on being friendly. H asked if there was anyway we could swap his visitation weekend, he has an event with our oldest D that he has to attend this weekend. I already knew what was going on from info from our D but , I didn't react. I figured, it was an event between my H and our D , so it wasn't my business to be nosy. I figured if something needed to be arranged regarding our other children, H would need to handle it, since it was his weekend. So he originally asked to pick our children up earlier than scheduled via text Tuesday, I took a full day to think about my response, and hadn't yet. So, then came the call. He simply stated that he was aware that our D18 had informed me of her event and he wouldn't be around to see the other kids, so if I wouldn't mind switching weekends. Honestly I didn't mind, and I didn't have a hard time with my response. I simply stated that it would work. He even said he would take the kids Labor Day weekend for 3 days, for the swap. To top it off he thanked me for making a payment on a bill he is responsible to pay. Back in June, after a court hearing for temporary orders, I noticed an error in the child support calculation. It took $400.00 too much from my H paycheck. Although the error was in my favor it was wrong, so I informed my attorney. My attorney was apologetic of the error that he and the other attorney missed and stated he would get it corrected. Well that has taken some time and so my H has had too much withheld for child support. So when the cell phones were disconnected I just made a payment. I felt it was the right thing to do. My H stated he would pay me back. My reply was " If you feel you need to, but it is not necessary. I do not expect to be reimbursed. I am sorry the error regarding the child support hasn't been resolved". It was a decent conversation, the first actual dialog without children present conversation. He sounded so worn down. It couldn't have been easy for him to ask me for something and I tried to pay attention to that and pay attention to my words so that I didn't come across as critical. My norm is to criticize my H for his lack of planning and be frustrated. I did the opposite, I was calm, no reaction at all. I also noted that my H actually did plan, he already had an idea on what weekend he would swap for, and it's a 3 day holiday that he could go off with OW and party. I am amazed at how much energy changing my actions takes, and it is extremely challenging to remain focused on goals, but at the end of each opportunity I have had, I feel better.