What will your spouse be doing, what will the two of you be doing?
EVERY situation is different, there is NO ONESIZEFITSALL approach. Per DR with references to 'read more': Look at CONTEXT with DR
Context: General Most marriages DO survive infidelity (p. 193)
Context: When He/She won't end the affair: Affairs don't usually result in marriage, and when they do, most end in divorce (p. 214) Folks will tell you to 'stop being a doormat and go on with your life." Trust your instincts. Don't let anyone tell you what to do. If you're not ready to give up on your marriage, keep fighting. (p. 215)
Context: Last Resort Technique (you've tried 'everything' and what you are doing is making things WORSE begin p. 215
"You have some investigative work to do. No, I don't mean snooping around to find out what is really going on." (p. 216)
"You need to find out what need your spouse is fulfilling by spending time with this person so that you can do a better job fulfilling that need yourself. You need tomake some changes. Don't tell your spouse that youare going to change or that things iwll be different, just start acting differently."
This stage is NOT about boundaries.
Context: AFTER THE LAST RESORT TECHNIQUE (p. 218) (if nothing above has worked and you are done, asnd you're aspouse still refuses to stop seeing the OP.)
Context: DO NOT DO THIS UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO END YOUR MARRIAGE, because that's what it might do. p. 219.
"Tell your spouse tha tyou love him/her enough that you are prepared to let go, then back off completely."
This is boundary setting .... letting go unless other person is completely out of the picture. more details in page 219. Also, it's the advice Starsky and Sandi2 and many others give regularly. It works and it doesn't work. You have to know your goal and your ability and desire to work things out or move on.
Be very clear. This may end your marriage. It may also spark saving it. It will not save it alone without other skillset building.
Internet infidelity descriptions in the chapter are details based on the same contexts. Know your context. Know your goal, desire. Advice is useless without knowing what you want your outcome to be.
