New to site...Ready for Advice...Been Reading!

[Denver_2010]

Thanks Cadet!

I have followed a lot of your posts and have read just about all of the Veteran's advice...I have mostly hit the acceptance phase, with a few discouraging days of doubt, but otherwise trucking along.

Kids have been truly awesome during this whole thing (5 Months+). I have not fought her will for "D", but will not sign anything that I don't agree to.

I am trying LRT (180's & Detaching) right now and trying not to be that reliable fixer that she has always had. Especially since she has moved out in June and already filed rather quickly.

It all happened in March & I was staying with my sister up until I told her that she is the one who needs to move out if this is what she wants, which she didn't fight and said gladly.

I got the same as everyone else on here: I am not happy & don't want to do this anymore...I need to find my happiness, go back to school, start a new career etc...I don't know how to be your wife, nor do I want to. Pretty much the same as everyone else.

Only communication I have with her over last week or two was a txt's here and there about when she wanted me to drop kids off to spend time with her. I know it's too early to tell, but not sure cares at this point that I don't contact her.

We all need to make changes & like MWD says it's sad that wives don't realize that when their husbands wake up and realize that they can & will change, it may be too late.

I have gone through the lashing out, I don't know why I married you, The only good thing to come out of this relationship was the kids, etc...I am just not interested in hearing it anymore & am done apologizing/asking for forgiveness!

I will keep at my DBing from the DR book I read & keep reading all the advice on these boards.

I truly do have hope & continue to pray...But I have to be honest, it took me awhile to get to the ZERO Expectations stage that I am in now.

How long have you been together?

How long married?

When did the M go haywire?

What was your role in that?

How old are you children?

Advice for now - Give her space and time. I suspect that she is not entirely sure about anything she is doing now. As Cadet said, believe nothing she says and only half of what you see. She needs to learn to miss you. That won't happen with continued contact, so limit it as much as possible. GAL and detach. Never let her see or hear sadness or depression from you. No one wants to be with a downer. Be upbeat and happy. Fake it til you make it. Work on you (180's).

Do not initiate relationship (R) talk. When she does, simply listen to her and validate her feelings. Do not defend right now.

She is looking for you to be angry or argumentative so that her decision to leave you will be validated. Don't give her that.

Find the 37 rules, cut and paste them, and read them often.

Tell us more about your M.

Denver