DBing and MLC: why the label?

[~ kd ~]

So just another add for the moment:

So if MLC is really just "some other" mental health issue, would DBing be different in that case, to the standard prescribed methods, absent the MLC chapter?

[ericmsant2]

Kaffe....I just picked up the clk 320.. so I guess that means......

[Carnac]

SL500....but who doesnt like a drop top Mercedes.

[MrBond]

MLC is "real", but it's not a disease. That's what some newbies have a tough time understanding. The "expect" it to be cured over time or that it is somehow a bad thing.

We all go through it in varying degrees. It's a life change. The thing that makes it real is that in the extreme cases, there are many startling similar behaviors that the person who goes through it experiences.

But it is all about choices. You either choose to stay married or you don't.

This has nothing to do with DB. DB are the series of actions you choose to do to strengthen yourself from the onslaught of an attack on M. It doesn't matter if it's an A or if it's MLC. DB is a skill set to help handle everything and survive.

Again, not all midlilfe "transitions" are bad. Sometimes you choose a new career, sometimes you just choose to workout and lose weight, sometimes you decide to start a family when before you didn't want one. It only becomes a "crisis" when you start tearing everything down in your life and start from scratch.

[mirage]

Mr Bond,

Great post!
MLC is real. At certain points in your life you wage a war against yourself. Whether its your soul or psyche or whatever this war is waged so you evolve into a complete whole healthy person.

If this calling from within is chartered correctly you have the chance to improve all your relationships, if not then as Bond says it turns into a crises and all h@ll breaks loose.

I don't think anyone chooses to have a MLC but that it chooses you. As another psoter said you revisit the past that has caused issues not addressed. This is to make you better not worse as we are evolving as people to a better place in our psychological lives.

I believe much of life is lived internally meaning how we view all our situations is a choice. Its no diff than the cup half full or half empty. Life is more fun and complete when your attitude is the half full idea.

It's a shame some in MLC get all the questions wrong so they will never get the right answer. True MLC is tough road but when travelled to it intended destination it can be a good diversion to that complete healthy self.

My only question is why so many people get stuck. I have a few guesses, but no real answers.

So DB'ing living your life for you, through you, authentically is your one and only choice in my opinion.

Mirage

[Cadet]

MLC is "real", but it's not a disease. That's what some newbies have a tough time understanding. The "expect" it to be cured over time or that it is somehow a bad thing.

YES I have heard it called a Dis-Ease it is NOT a disease.

[~ kd ~]

MLC is "real", but it's not a disease. That's what some newbies have a tough time understanding. The "expect" it to be cured over time or that it is somehow a bad thing.

YES I have heard it called a Dis-Ease it is NOT a disease.

What's interesting to me is, I've never heard it called a disease, except here, by those saying it's not a disease.

I don't get that, although I guess it is just me. I have always seen it as a temporary mental health issue.

I also agree that we all go through transitions. I personally only refer it to MLC when its a crises or "bad" transition.

[chatterbug]

My thoughts are that MLC is either an excuse for poor behavior and self entitlement with no restraints , or its an undiagnosed Histrionic personality disorder.

I do not believe in it because it is just a theory. Cluster B Personality disorders is where it closely aligns to.

I think it is just one of the stages of adult growth that we cycle through.

As we transition from the gathering years to the next stage.

It happens to be at a point where our hormones change , our bodies are no longer capable of doing what the mind remembers it could do. This is also the time when the torch is passed from the previous generation to the next.

Most people will experience depression for 6 to 8 months and work themselves out of it, reflect and carry on and enjoy the next cycle of adult growth.

Some though come out of this depression feeling that they paid their dues now it is their time. So the selfishness takes over. And off they go to do and get what they want.

Then there are a few who come out of this with their life long undiagnosed cluster B Personality Disorder in full control.


That to me is the MLC.

The issue I have with it is that people will excuse away so much poor behavior by labeling it MLC when it really is someone doing extremely selfish and hurtful things because they feel they can. And when they are given the excuse of oh MLC. Then they just feed of being enabled.

And the LBS excuses it away because they do not want to deal with the reality that yes the person they love can actually be a hateful , hurting person who really does not care at this point in time the damage they cause.

Then there are others who realize they do not like their spouse. So they take it out on them for as long as the LBS lets them.

[Cadet]

The issue I have with it is that people will excuse away so much poor behavior by labeling it MLC when it really is someone doing extremely selfish and hurtful things because they feel they can. And when they are given the excuse of oh MLC. Then they just feed of being enabled.

And the LBS excuses it away because they do not want to deal with the reality that yes the person they love can actually be a hateful , hurting person who really does not care at this point in time the damage they cause.

NOPE I don't agree that anyone here is giving out the advice to excuse it away.
There is NO EXCUSE for this type of behavior.

It might be part of the Dis-Ease but that does not excuse it.

I don't see anyone saying NOT to have boundaries.

I also do not think that some of the more extreme CONTROL methods will turn this Dis-Ease around.

[~ kd ~]

Chatter, I am only guessing here that you pointed at histrionic as an example and that somewhere in cluster B would be the more general. Some appear more borderline, some more narcisitic, etc.

Cluster B (dramatic, emotional or erratic disorders)
Not to be confused with Type B personality.

Antisocial personality disorder: a pervasive disregard for the rights of others, lack of empathy, and (generally) a pattern of regular criminal activity.
Borderline personality disorder: extreme "black and white" thinking, instability in relationships, self-image, identity and behavior often leading to self-harm and impulsivity. Borderline personality disorder is diagnosed in three times as many females as males.[13]
Histrionic personality disorder: pervasive attention-seeking behavior including inappropriately seductive behavior and shallow or exaggerated emotions.
Narcissistic personality disorder: a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Characterized by self-importance, preoccupations with fantasies, belief that they are special, including a sense of entitlement and a need for excessive admiration, and extreme levels of jealousy and arrogance.


What is also interesting is some appear to have bi-polar characteristics.

And again, cluster B is chronic, not this temporary stuff we might observe in someone suggested to be MLC.

So again, regardless of the label, how would one deal with an emotionally unstable individual through this, if we don't want to call it MLC?

Tell them to brain up or we'll kick you to the curb?

Seems an interesting way to deal with someone with a mental health issue, even if it that issue develops late in life.

What about someone who gets a head injury or some other non-curable condition in this situation at any stage of their life? The symptoms remain similar in many other medically proven conditions.