I know demons can be defeated, I have defeated some real nasty things in my life, and yes when I did, I became a better me.
Eric, I have sit with my self and see what you are saying, I have changed, not to many things, but I have been able to control some of my emotions. With this kind of things like W staying up late I would have already exploded and the worst of me would have come up. You have given me the advice to repeat to my self: "I am better me, will become a better me, and continue to become even better" I have repeated these words, and they have helped. It may not seem like a big step, but changes are ocurring. I will continue working on that. I will stick to it...
My insecurity right now is that everything I believe to be sure can change, just as I was so sure that my W would not leave me specially for somebody else. I was wrong, and that is my biggest fear. I am also afraid W has been in contact with OM, on this I am not sure, I am just afraid, part of my insecurity.
My insecurity has nothing to do with how I met her, she was already separated when we met, but yes, not divorced. She tried getting divorced thru legal aid, but for some reason everything stoped, and it was not her part, she tried different ways, except paying for a lawyer ourselves, we could not afford one at the time. Then it just became "acceptable" for us to live like this. As far as karma goes, I really do not believe this has anything to do with it. We were together for 10 yrs, and she always showed me how much she loved me. It was me neglecting her (unconsously) that made feel unloved, no excuses on that.
Eric, you are not hurting my feelings, you are trying to make me see things with a clear perspective.
A few days ago W told me, "I miss us, the way we were". The way I was, that is what I want from me, except the negative things I have in me. I want to be a better me than before, I do not like how I feel, or any of the negative things in me.
What do I want in my partner, what am I looking for? That is an answer I have to look in my heart and answer myself.
