New to DB

[hopefulinga]

I've thought about going with someone else. And I'm also thinking about approaching a friend of mine that I know goes out for girls night to see if I can tag along. When we got married, we agreed that we wouldn't do stuff like that. But at this point, I've got to get out for myself.

I think I can try to be distant. Some days, I think I am already like that. But I have to do it with a smile on my face.

And today I've thought about a post I made last week about H having dinner with that woman. I ran into her today at school registration and she looked terrible. I felt bad for her because she's in such bad shape. I also felt like an idiot for getting mad at H, but at least I didn't tell him I was mad.

Why did I get mad? Because we rarely go out to eat. Why? Because he says he is on the road all day, tired and likes my cooking. So I've always taken that as a compliment. I've also told him it is nice to get out to spend some time together and to give me a break.

So, this is an area that I need to work on. I've got to accept that he has female friends and to not always get accusatory, which is what I do. That has been a major issue for him and he has brought it up several times since the bomb. I've got to get my self-esteem back and get my jealousy under control. I know some of the reasons for my jealousy and insecurities in this area and I need to move on. I'm sure he doesn't feel good knowing that his wife doesn't trust him.