second time newcomer, back for more

[ericmsant2]

BC

In regards to therapy, W told me she wants to go alone because she has some issues.

DB101 “change how you look at things”. Dude, instead of focusing on her going solo…why not focus on the FACT that SHE IS GOING.

should I say nothing about going or trying to make an appt ?

NO I would not say a word to her. She is a grown women and can make an appt herself when SHE (not YOU) are ready.

Or should I drop subtle hints every couple days ? Again, I know I can't control this, just don't want her to sink into a huge depression before she makes it there

CONTROL – that is what you are doing dude. No easy way to say it. YOU WANT THIS TO HAPPEN ON YOUR TIMELINE it is not! Stop trying to fix, stop trying to guilt her, stop trying to push her!

Do me a favor…read your whole thread and count the number of times you mention her, what she is doing, what she said or didn’t say. Just count how often you talk about HER. I hope that you will see that YOU do not talk about YOU. YOU do not talk about what YOU are doing for YOU. You do not talk about YOUR issues. Yeah, yeah, yeah…you briefly give your controlling, fear and insecurity issues a quick acknowledgment then you go right back to talking about her.

You are chitting bricks right now…you seem pissed and frustrated. If I can see it I bet she can. Is that the image you want her to see?

It's an even more fine line than that... I'd actually say... that line doesn't even exist... it's a self imposed false flag, for you...

If your W truly is depressed, as in could be diagnosed as chronically depressed... this is an internal battle she is fighting for herself... and she's scared... terrified, in fact... and she's likely to lash out at anyone who tries to make her face her fears...

Support her in going... no encouraging, no writing things on the calender, no subtle hints... and no expectations...

If she doesn't go, do not mention it. If she doesn't go, then later says she's decided to go (again), no telling her "great to see you changed your mind"...

BE THERE for her... BE WITH her... and support her, silently... and with love...

And, if she goes, acknowledge it calmly and sincerely and NOT with enthusiasm, IF she brings it up... soft support might be a good path, atm...

Please read Kaffe’s post to you ^^^^ again and again.

......feeling like all her friends are younger with no kids and they go out and have a good time. And she's stuck at home with kids and a husband

1) You are mind reading AGAIN. EVEN IF she feels this way do you really think what you are doing right now will help?
“she’s stuck home with kids and an H”..
Interesting line….wanna know why? Cause it is very telling. I actually think you are bored with the M as well. YOU both need a little spice in the R. Right now may not be the time to put the full court press on, at least not with her. What you could though is SPICE UP YOUR LIFE and hopefully she notices and follows suit.

BC,

I am a 42 year old father of 3 (2 teenage boys and a little girl). I have a 50/50 custody arrangement and really have the kids more like 60 – 70 % of the time. I have a challenging full time job. MY totally HOT girlfriend recently moved in with me. I have a very nice 4 bedroom place that the kids and I love. I love to walk on the beach, love to hang out with my friends, I like to travel and this year hit the south (Hilton Head, Savannah, Charlotte and Greenville SC). I love myself and love my life. Life is really good.

You know what…I make time for myself – even with kids. I make time to feel good about myself and I do not expect my GF to make me feel good about myself. I give her all the space she wants. It is a totally different R. A great one. Why? Cause my life does not revolve around no one but ME. I accept that I am responsible for me. I accept that I love my kids more than life itself but I also know that I need to have the right balance.

Balance dude….right now I think you are off balance. You have your W on a pedestal. You are so scared that you cannot even find some peace. That is not a good way to live. That said, I’ll ask again…

What are YOU doing for YOU? What are you doing to make yourself so ATTRACTIVE that your W would be a fool to leave you and EVEN if she did….some other hottie would snatch your as* right up. What are doing for yourself man….cause honestly, if you focus on that I bet you would not be trying to control and manipulate your W into staying…you would be too busy enjoying your kids and your life.