besides meds, which I would highly recommend, it's a constant struggle to get the triggers out of your mind. I did everything I wasn't supposed to do for a very long time (about 6mos) before I started slowing down the negative behavior. I would snoop, confront him about what I found, tell him the opposite of what I had been working so hard on (affirmations), etc.

But sometimes we aren't ready to jump into full DB mode because of all our past negative behavior. I believe my anger and constantly feeling like a doormat stalled my growth. I needed to shed it and it happened slowly.

Today H n I get along really well. As friends and we exchange a lot of emotional intimacy. That would not have happened sooner in my case because of my anger. I hope that things will continue to improve with H and he'll come home but he still doesn't want to. I think I did such a good job of making him feel guilty that he doesn't think that HIS changes will stick.

Keep working on YOU doubleAA! Let the focus be on YOU!

M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017