Kaffe, Interesting subject. I have read almost everything I could get my hands regarding MLC. I would say 99.9% for sure thats what I had. It was not an excuse to behave the way I did. I was always laughing, joking, I liked to have fun. In MLC I completely went inside Depression you couldn't believe, Totally confused just about everyday. Whats funny my XW DB'd me without knowing it. She had her own life and GAL but kept the road home paved. I got through it, and thought happily ever after. LOL Wrong!!
XW goes MLC, and I employed the exact same methods but with different results. I got a life, but kept the road home paved and smooth. She has chosen to believe the feelings brought on by MLC are real. I submit they are not. The question is does she have the tools to get through the MLC intact? At this point the answer is no. She is about 2 1/2 years into it.
I look back at MLC and its like another person just took over. Its like I was watching from above as someone(Alien) just tried to destroy everything and I would do nothing to stop it. I felt paralyzed mentally.
DB'ing is the only way to go. Either way she comes back or doesn't it gives you the opportunity to save yourself.
There are days I still wish she would change back, but (1) wishing does not make something so! and (2) those thoughts are only a small portion of time. Life is great most of the time.
For LBS, I think you still need to feel the loss occassionally because as Amy C said you carry the real memories of your life together. The MLC'er cannot.
There are some great resources if you dig deep on MLC. I would name them but against forum rules i think.
