How are you doing? I am at the airport going home. But I wanted to check in. Lots of emotions right now, and I can completely relate. I just a cant articulate as well, but I think I understand what you have been feeling. Since h left Germany I have been so calm...but pockets of fear open up in my head and heart.
But a part of me also is starting to feel like I am almost done.
I have to go
Will be back and so much love and support to you.
Looks like we were meant to Be on the blanket together
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
yes i know - and they can close. and sometimes they open again for a little while and then close again.
i don't feel fear so much anymore, busting - that's the strange thing - it's that i'm not feeling the fear that is kind of scary - ironic eh?
maybe i still have to deal with the fear of the unknown in some way still.
i think deep down letting go is a scary process and that's all the fear is about , until that goes away too
we will be fine - we are so much better than we were and that's definitely something for us to cling to... the knowledge that if we came so far we can go even further and further....
we are meant to BE on the blanket together - and all my love and support to you too dear sweet busting
have a safe return home - and walk into your home with your head held high, clutching serenity to your chest until she protests that you are squeezing too hard
and then settle in to your next stage on this journey - because you have surely reached it
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
I understand the buckets of fear. My heart would race at the sight of H or when he initiated contact. Now I'm so sick and tired of him manipulating and spewing that I have no fear. Litteraly. There is nothing that he could do or say at this point that could cause fear.
Don't like me? I don't care! Mad at me? We don't talk anyway. Wanna hang up on me? I won't talk to you on the phone. You think I'm a bit@h now? Awesome, we are going through a divorce anyway.
Seriously, 0 reaction from me, other than laughter and amusment. I was kissing his a$$ for so long-and now I find myself thinking-why do I want to be near his a$$ hole?? This guy is treating me like crap!
phew-ok enough negative energy on your thread. I'm going to see if there is any of your yummy spaghetti left.
Me-31 H-24 D3,D2 M 4 yrs WAW(me) 12/2011 role reversal 03/2012 (H)PA 3-6/2012 (H)D filed 6/2012 D deemed "inactive", closed 8/2012 I've moved on 9/2012
I understand the buckets of fear. My heart would race at the sight of H or when he initiated contact. Now I'm so sick and tired of him manipulating and spewing that I have no fear. Litteraly. There is nothing that he could do or say at this point that could cause fear.
Don't like me? I don't care! Mad at me? We don't talk anyway. Wanna hang up on me? I won't talk to you on the phone. You think I'm a bit@h now? Awesome, we are going through a divorce anyway.
Seriously, 0 reaction from me, other than laughter and amusment. I was kissing his a$$ for so long-and now I find myself thinking-why do I want to be near his a$$ hole?? This guy is treating me like crap!
phew-ok enough negative energy on your thread. I'm going to see if there is any of your yummy spaghetti left.
right now today - i just feel quite hopeless about the sitch with my h. i think i am facing finally in the last couple of days what he said to me last friday - that even if it doesn't work out with ow he still wants to file. (it's been sinking in slowly)
You would rather he announce that he wants to come back to you, solely because OW broke up with him? (this happens often on these forums) Where would you be then?
Look, at the end of the day, the ONLY thing that matters is what you each need and want from a marital relationship, and whether or not you want to continue to try to achieve those things with each other. His statements about OW -- whether positive or negative -- really matter not one whit.
It's almost like you're having to grieve the loss of your marriage before you have any hope of possibly saving it. Since you yourself have said you tend to process things slowly and throughly, maybe you are just now getting to this stage?
yes i know - and they can close. and sometimes they open again for a little while and then close again.
i don't feel fear so much anymore, busting - that's the strange thing - it's that i'm not feeling the fear that is kind of scary - ironic eh?
maybe i still have to deal with the fear of the unknown in some way still.
i think deep down letting go is a scary process and that's all the fear is about , until that goes away too
hi zig, i agree with you and if i understand correctly, i think i may be in a similar place.
how are you doing? how is your dad? my trip was good, am back home, dreading to unpack, and thinking i need to get my butt in motion and work off this holiday weight! lol
did you notice that when we are at the picnic, we can eat and drink as much as we want WITHOUT gaining weight?? lol
((( )))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
KD - i brought this over from that mlc thread you started to talk to you about this, please.
Something Mirage said above in an early post, I found relevant. The part about "faking" an MLC.
I would submit that IF the WAS is labelling themselves MLC. It may just as easily be an excuse as it may be a realization that they may be in a crises transition.
OTOH, for what I've read here and on other forums and books, someone who is in MLC... don't recognize it as such.
I have read maybe one or two threads over the past year and half here, where the WAS actually made that suggestion themselves. All other times, it is an observation made by LBS due to very... odd... behaviours by the WAS.
This is what i know my h told our friend back in march on that trip - that he was in mlc.
then a few weeks ago he talked with my friend (whom i always call my sweet friend here, and whom he knows is very close with me) and once again told her that he was in a crisis.he is also friends with her and her h.
that's when i started getting put off- really put off.
when one is in a real emotional/mental crisis one doesn't really know that one is in it. i know, i've been there.
my first thought was - well if he knows he is, why isn't he doing anything about it?
it seems as if this is a rare thing - you say that there were one or two other sitches where this had happened.
i think all of this is "coming together" in some way for me - all these elements - that are building a very different picture from what i thought was there.
the day i heard this from my sweet friend, i noticed that i stopped believing all that much in the mlc thing - at least in terms of where h is. and actually started leaning toward the narcissistic behavior patterns that i have denied myself to really see in my h.
so knowing something like this , does it change the stand you take?
and another question i've been asking myself - how does one take the "tough stand" as some suggest, when the was has decided they are filing for divorce - threaten them with ending the marriage? - they are determined right now to do it anyway . i suppose the other option is to make it clear that you won't be friends with them (well guess what, my h is a person who just "accepts" what you say - and lives with the limitations in a way. a good example - he absolutely HATES to be separated from his s for a week at a time, but accepts it's part of the sitch. in the same way, i imagine he will accept my denial of friendship - sort of along the martyr lines..no actually what he just recently said, in an attempt to preempt that need was that we couldn't really be friends because friends tell each other everything and he couldn't share certain parts of his life with me!!)
and then there's what the coach says to me - is what you are thinking of doing right now going to bring your h closer, further away or be neutral. which means i have to mind read, practically!!
i think between all these different "elements" i'm feeling really torn about what to do in terms of how to go forward in daily contact with him
i understand for myself that just need to keep moving forward and be the best person i can be.
in terms of working on saving the marriage - does there come a point where you just actively stop trying any more, and that's just the stage i am beginning to reach? why am i so effing emotional about it then!!!
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
