Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[Denver_2010]

I think a lot of it has to do with just how bad things got, and how long the "bad" state persisted before it blew up.

Most definitely. And this is a big reason (there are an infinite number of other variables as well) why it is better to be careful about giving advice here that is presented as black and white. It is why I personally talk about using the DB principles as a guideline, but applying to to the unique situation. It is why, IMO, the #1 rule here is DO WHAT WORKS.

It is my opinion that, many people who find their way here... well... they probably should have read the DB/DR books a year or two before the registered on this site. If only more people were more proactive in working on their M... BEFORE it needed work...

After the bomb it seems to have a really crappy success rate.

I think like anything else, people don't believe it can happen to them -- I certainly didn't. Reading self help books would feel like asking for trouble where none exists. I certainly thought this kind of thing would *never* happen to me, so I had no motivation to even think about addressing it before it was too late.

YES to both KD and Accuray! The BITS talk of this often. It is argued by some that DB is not helpful and that is demonstrated by the low success rate. My counter argument is always that the people who come here to the DB board have most likely found it out of desperation, when their M is already on life support. I know mine was. But of course the success rate is going to be low when your entire sample group are in M's that are so close to be completely done when they first begin to learn DB. I always argue that if you took the people who JUST went out and bought the book when they saw some signs that their M was in trouble, that we'd see a much higher success rate with that sample group.

Let's face it. If you are desperate enough to start talking about such intimate and private details of your life over the internet, your M is probably in really bad shape and you are probably pretty desperate.

It seems that in most cases its impossible for a newbie to chill. I don't know how to help people with that, I don't think we can, they have to go through it and come out the other side. From my perspective, all we're trying to do is help them to minimize or avoid any further damage while they panic.

Absolutely agree. It is just something that we all had/have to go through here. There is no way around it IMO.