thanks for your post KD - so thing have shifted, but in unexpected ways...
Because that's how I treat my bffs... I do not expect from them, as I give to them... They are just "those people" in my life. I don't worry what they give me. I don't worry that they judge me. And so on...
Of course, I still have a long, long ways to go. And this will be a lifelong process. And that is... OK... because I'm not doing it to win her back. I'm just doing it because I want to...
i really like what you wrote here - something to aspire to, definitely for all of us
What I also know is... I will eventually have to put down my own guard. I will have to be willing to "receive" from my W, as well. And I'm slowly working on that.
so i found this interesting. do you remember when you put up your guard - right after BD or did it come later, slowly?
i ask because i think that finally i am starting to put up my own guard when it comes to h. and i wonder if it comes eventually when you feel that you've done all you could and there's no difference and then you start to guard yourself getting prepared for the long haul - really prepared.
it's a different kind of guard than the old one. i'm not sure i can explain it - it's not defensive, maybe a little self-protective, not sure.
it's definitely a culmination of the last years events
we PLAN and MAKE PLANS on expectations... so it can be quite irritating when the results don't meet our expectations, because it prevents us from executing the next step in our "plans".
it is more than irritating, don't you think? but after i read this i began to see how what i had written on the other thread was the wrong way to go about it. it's really about ultimately turning away and sort of forgetting about it all and not making any plans based on whether it works out or not. and the next step shouldn't really be planned - it should be left open to come to us...in it's own time
i am starting to see what you mean about things changing - they change because we chose to change and follow through. not because something external changed for us.
thanks for telling us about what's going on - as expected, it was different from what i expected..
the way you responded helped me to see the next step i can take for myself
as always - KD - love the way your mind works
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
