in the end though, it is still about saving our marriages. and it doesn't seem emotionally feasible to me that if it can take up to 2 yrs or more for the changes to make a real difference to the was, that unless the lbs had enormous faith, expectation and hope, that they would be able to sustain staying in the db arena that long
Wanted to pull this out for a spotlight, as well.
I think that most who read MWD's books understand how PRO-M she really is (or opposed to D, depending on your desired perspective).
It appears to me that, again, while she does state that she agrees that in some cases, D is the right option (and she states abuse as being one of the few reasons)... I'd guess that for MWD, if it took 5 years to DB and save the M... or more... then a success is a success, a M is saved, and her job is done...
I think there's also something important to note about the books and this site...
It is my opinion that, many people who find their way here... well... they probably should have read the DB/DR books a year or two before the registered on this site. If only more people were more proactive in working on their M... BEFORE it needed work...
Anyhow, for that reason, it seems that many people who come here are probably already due for LRT, the 37 rules, etc... AND... a lot of damage already done with broken trust, infidelity, perhaps some form of abuse...
So when they come here, there's huge amounts of fear in them which may come out in the form of clinging, controlling, snooping, daemonizing their spouse, anger, even possible suicidal or violent tendencies, major depression, etc...
Part of why a lot of us, I'd say pretty much all the vets, promote a "chill first" support...
Anyhow, I suspect that for some who read the books early enough, and I think we see a lot of it in the "success" forums... some GAL here, a 180 or two there, and everything is peaches in their M... here... not so much...
So while some newbies we see who come here, who are over the top po'd at their WASs... it almost seems that AtLRT might be the right option. I just wonder if their WAS will remember and miss and want the good person they might have been... or if that LBS might be honest enough as some of our members have become, to admit how serious and harmful to their M some of their past behaviours may have been...
