Piecing - Round 1

[Denver_2010]

I would not. I'd take that for sure. Maybe i'm naive, but i think that i'm at about 90-95% right now. Maybe I can get it up to that 97.5%!

Denver_2010,

Some of us were down to 10% or even less, so if you really are at 90% and not being naive about it, you are doing excellent. In the sitch that brought me to DB-land, just about everything the at that time wife did was a manipulation or a trick, or a lie. She was hating my guts and getting off on hurting me, I don't care one bit today wish I let go along time earlier.

I am DLS (almost referred to you as daddy! LOL!)... Anyway, I don't feel like I'm being naive about it.

Despite the fact that I don't agree with many of my W's decisions over the past couple of years, she did do a couple of things that are very helpful to us today.

1) She moved out of our house before she decided to date OM. Yes, her R with him prior to her moving out, as 'friends', was, IMO, an emotional affair, but she did not choose to spend time with him or 'date' him until several weeks after she moved out of the house. Plus, she and I had been almost completely silent with one another for several months prior to leaving the home. I was sleeping on the couch, she did her thing, I did mine. We lived completely separate lives. We were emotionally divorced long before she started confiding in OM, let alone having a physical R with him. Symbolic, I know. But still much better than had she been sleeping with the guy while living in our home.

2) She was, and has been, very upfront about her R with OM from the get go. Brutally honest in fact. Yes, there were times when she was having contact with him while telling me that she wasn't. But I write that off to the fact that I had put her in the position of knowing that if he was in her life, that I would not be. She has said, and I a believe, that she did not know what to do at those moments. She was scared of losing me, but still had unresolved feelings for OM. So, I forgive her for those times knowing that she is generally a very honest person... and a terrible liar (which is how and why I always found out when she was omitting the complete truth).

I know that most people whose wives have had an affair say this, but my W is simply not someone who is unfaithful to the person whom she is committed to. She never has been, even in prior R's. That is why she HAD to move out of the house when she did. It is why she could not look me in the eye even when she thought that she was in a position where it was not morally wrong to date (after she had moved out and said she was done with the M). It is why she was just an absolute horrid liar when I did have to confront her at times when she had omitted the complete truth.

Now? I just feel that committment to me and our M again. It is hard to explain. And just to be clear, even during the times when we were hanging out a lot, and dating, or whatever over the past 18 months, I never felt that way until she came back to me in June and said that she was sure that she wanted to be with me and wanted our M. This is probably the biggest reason that I feel a solid level of trust here.

I don't feel that I'm being naive. Maybe it'll turn out that I am being a fool. I hope not, but I have been wrong before.