This may piss you off. I think you need to see what I see in your posts.
Originally Posted By: I said to you
First off, try not to push to hard. She will talk when she is ready
Originally Posted By: Nascar said to you
So do yourself a favor, step back, breath and GAL
And you said to both of us…
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so we'll play it by ear and back off a little.
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I've made it a habit this week of backing off, but letting her know I was there for her.
Originally Posted By: Kaffe said to you
She'll pop out of her depression when she's ready...
Originally Posted By: I said to you
but do NOT smother her.
Then Kaffe said to you…
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You want to support her, but not enable her, yet not smother her...
Are you see a pattern? Wait…there is more..
Originally Posted By: I said to you
Look dude, on one hand you say you want to give her space but on the other hand your ACTIONS come across as if YOU FEEL THAT YOU CAN FIX IT.
Originally Posted By: I suggested to you
DO NOT PUSH HER….
And
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I think you need to continue to give her space
Originally Posted By: Rick said to you
Maybe she sees too much of you now? How about a partime during those days off?
Which translated another way means…give her space.
Wait there is more…
So after everyone telling you to GIVE HER SPACE…you post this….
Originally Posted By: BC
She said she wants to talk about things tonight
At which time you received a lot of great advice about keeping your mouth shut and LISTENING to HER. The only problem I see now is this….
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She never said she had something to talk about.
She NEVER DID Want to TALK – YOU DID! How buddy is that giving her space? Wait before you answer…
I have TWO words for YOU CONTROL and FEAR.
You are trying to control this. YOU want her to snap out of it on YOUR timeline – NOT HERS.
And the reason you do is because you are AFRAID of losing her.
Why are you afraid..
Originally Posted By: BC said
She hasn't kissed or told me she loved me in over a week. And she told a friend she didn't think she wanted to be married anymore.
You also said you are a pessimist. So BC how do you expect to DB this if you are operating under FEAR and trying to CONTROL the sitch?
I hope you are pissed right now…pissed at yourself – cause from where I sit you are F’ing this up. Plain and simple. If you want someone to post some nice lovey dovey stuff and make you feel better – that aint me. I am trying to help you save your M and yourself. I can only so much..
And FTR, you can tell me to go F myself – I won’t take it personally.
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I asked my wife if she had a few minutes to talk. I told her I loved her and I noticed that she was being emotionally distant, and if she wanted to talk I was here for her. She started crying. She didn't divulge anything.
IF YOU CAN….read your post up there ^^^^^ . Here is what I see.
You are so afraid of her leaving that you pushed the convo….”I asked her if she had a few minutes to talk”.
Then you try a little groveling and guilt …. “I told her I love her”. I say guilt because IMO, you hope that YOUR LOVE would make HER RUSH through whatever it is that she is dealing with so the YOU (not her) could feel better. IMO, a little selfish.
The you pointed out that she was being emotionally distant…as if she didn’t already know that.
So what does she do…..CRY….I am not her and I have no idea what she may be feeling but look over your post and re-read it.
IMO – SHE NEEDS SPACE
SHE IS AFRAID BECAUSE OF YOUR PAST THAT YOU ARE GONNA FREAK. Pssst..do you think you are proving her WRONG by your actions?
BC – you need to get your emotions under wraps. I can’t nor can anyone else do that for you.
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how do i lift her there
How you ask? First do YOU really think that you can and even if I told you the answer would you listen? Seriously….we have said to back off – have you? Okay enough 2x4’s…You know how you lift her there? YOU SHOW HER WITH YOUR ACTIONS ….. AND SHE and only SHE will decide if she wants to follow.
What actions?
RESPECT.
Respect her space. Allow her to go through this crap in HER timeline NOT YOURS.
Show strength. You show this by not “worrying” about IF she will leave of NOT. Ya can’t stop her anyway…
LISTEN – You listen WHEN SHE wants to TALK NOT when you WANT TO.
Can you see what I am trying to say?
Can you see she feels smothered?
Can you see she may feel NOT VALIDATED?
Listen to her words and separate your own FEAR and INSECURITY from HER words.
God Bless, Eric
Pure, solid GOLD, bc -- should you decide to follow it. You are LUCKY to have someone who cares for you enough to tell you like it is, and not just blow smoke up your butt!!
