Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[chatterbug]

Its important to distinguish between snooping , spying , tracking and observations and confirming.

1. Key logger. Computer is used by the house. Then this is fine.
If the computer is the 100% owned by the other person or school or work then do not install a keylogger. This the difference between spying and confirming. You are also logging your actions as well.

This may cover your behind legally, but I don't believe the part of the brain that can get addicted to snooping knows this difference. to me, doing this w/o your spouse's knowledge is snooping. A person can justify it any way they want, but it is what it is.

2. VAR . Carrying a VAR on you that records your interactions with your spouse is legal. Placing a VAR in your car that you use is legal. Leaving one around your home in a room that you use is legal. Everything else is spying. And can cause you legal issues. ( This I would look up with your local laws )

Same

3. Reviewing joint bank accounts , credit cards , phone bills. Legal.

Again, I look at intent here. If you are going through the phone records in an attempt to catch your spouse then you are snooping for all intents and purpose.

4. P.I. Hiring a registered legal P.I. Legal.

legal, but can you recover and can you handle the truth.

5. Logging into their facebook , emails .... Not legal. If it is caught in the keylogger then you can read the logs. But you cannot take the info and log into their accounts.

]If your spouse leaves and you give them a computer as a gift then do not use the keylogger any more. Turn it off. Same with the VAR in a car. You are no longer involved in the day to day activities so this is when it crosses over from tracking and confirming to spying.

And when you go dark.

You go dark.

Dark means no interaction. This includes your tracking and confirming. ( Naturally of course you are going to track joint assets and debts.... but one should not go dark without getting this loose end tied up for full protection )

i think a lot of this is purely semantics. the end result, the information you are seeking is the same whether is called "confirming or spying;" "whethers is legal in the eyes of the law or illegal"

What I haven't seed mentioned is that people can and do get addicted to spying/snooping. My IC told me that the part of the brain that is activated when snooping is the same part of the brain responsible for many addictions.

Sorry Harrier I disagree. What you call semantics I call verification vs spying.

2 paths.

path 1. I think there is something going on. I cannot quite figure out what it is so instead of accusing I am going to observe and verify. Gather facts and then either work on why I had those thoughts or confront.

path 2. I am a jealous spouse so I am going to constantly check up on my spouse with these means when she has done no wrong.

A classic example can be.

Observation:

Teenage son school work drops , is always tired and no longer engaged.

Determine if the issue is that the boy is staying up all night on the computer , doing drugs or alcohol or is dealing with depression.

This is done by verifying what they are doing when they are on the computer, talking to teachers and if needed a physical at the doctors.

Then communicating to the boy about the issue and resolving it.

No spying and no snooping.

Observation, Verification.

You totally missed the point her. No surprise. But you just added another word for it - "justification"

Like I said, call it what you want. it is what it is.

it's the same thing - you are still just putting a label on it to suit your particular need. There are arbitrary "lines" that move something from "verification" to "spying"

Everything is a moving target, everything is hazy, The end result is the same.

I know why people do label it in a way that works for them. Denial is a powerful force.

No particular need.

I felt something was up.

So I gathered my info. Observations on behavior changes, new interests. I knew something was up so I installed a key logger on my computer.

Read the outgoing words typed on the computer.

Then I confronted.

I fail to see denial or anything else. So lets agree to disagree and end this conversation on our opinions on this subject.