Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[Denver_2010]

This ^^^^ to me is the elephant in the room on this bb.
the constant 2 x 4's from everyone to everyone about not having expectations, not having hope etc.

Here is where you're not understanding the definition of "Expectations". There's nothing wrong with having goals, in fact, DB encourages you to write certain small goals down and how you plan to achieve them. Whatever action you do, you must have no "expectations" as to what your spouse will or will not do. It's acknowledging that they have a choice on how they will react.

Too often, people come here and "expect" their spouse to react a certain way and are discouraged time and time again when it doesn't happen. They start second-guessing themselves, looking at every detail, every correspondence, etc. And all it does is make them paralyzed through fear or indecision.

Having a goal is great, but expecting another human being to react in a way that you find favorable every time, may discourage you from that goal.

^^^ Yes!