are you guys saying that if you had the opportunity to get the inside scoop on what was really really going on with your spouses, you would just refuse to hear about it? that's not a question directed only to you starsky, but to everyone
This question is posed, at least my interpretation, which could be wrong – as a Yes or No answer and I do not believe that exposure is a yes or no answer. Way too many variable to factor in and as each sitch is different and each person is different a “what works for you is the best answer”.
That said, here are my thoughts….
IF the LBS can handle it and not go off the F’ing deep end, which provide the WAS with additional “reasons”, then I think knowing is a good thing. You would at least know what you are faced with and can respond accordingly i.e. tailor your DB approach.
IF the LBS cannot handle it then I think it may have a negative effect on both the LBS and the WAS. I have seen LBS pass out, become suicidal, etc. which IMO, may have been avoided IF they focused on themselves, faced the fear that they had and THEN found out.
As for me personally, I snooped found out and was NOT at a place where I could have handled it – If I would do it all over again, I would focused more on ME, MY issue AND THEN snooped and taken the appropriate action i.e. hard boundaries, etc.
The notion of “finding out” is a very delicate topic….it’s weird it is almost a chicken or the egg scenario. I needed to grow a set before I confronted; however, confronting help me (in a small way) grow a set. Make sense?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
