Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[greatwhitenorth]

I snooped, or verified, or looked for evidence or whatever you want to call it (focus on action, not label) four times in one day. That's it. It was the day my gut told me there was something going on. I knew H's password because he had told me, so was it really snooping or simply taking advantage of the transparency assumed/required in marriage? I trusted H completely and had never before looked at his email. Haven't since either.

When I confronted him later that day, the second or third thing I said to him was "change your password". I had no further need to look. Why torture myself by looking again and again at what I knew was going on?

He knew he was doing it. Homewrecker knew she was doing it. And then/now I knew they were doing it. Enough for me.

So now that H's affair was exposed he had a choice to make - he was either with me or not. He chose not, so I told him he could not live in our home. CHOP! Kind of like a guillotine, for good or for ill.

I have not once asked him or his D about the affair, and there is nobody else to ask. My holding line has always been, "as long as he's not with me it doesn't matter what he's doing." It's the layer of reason applied over the emotion that keeps me somewhat in check.

And I'm scared to know. Scared sh!tless to find out that they're doe eyed in love and skipping through a field of daisies together, hand in hand, with flutes and bluebirds singing in the background and all that crapola that I know ain't true.

So if I had the opportunity to get the inside scoop on what was really really going on with my spouse, would I just refuse to hear about it? Not sure. Would I seek the information out? No, because I'm not a masochist. Would I accept it if offered by a third party? Maybe, but I wouldn't give it any credence. Would I accept it from him? Probably, but with a vat of pain killers and bandages on the side because I'm sure that whatever he had to say would hurt like an S.O.B. Once burned, twice shy you might say.