Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[needgrace]

Great discussion..

detachment (the mighty struggle for me...)

I wonder if it comes down to actions, feelings, thoughts..

we detach as much as we can be taking specific actions.. GALing, moving forward with our lives, working on ourselves..

and by working on our thoughts... challenging and replacing unrealistic and unhelpful thinking (expectations, giving up our own power/victimhood, obsessing, believing we can not be happy without them, living in the moment, forgiveness, etc.)

but we have to wait for our feelings to catch up.. we can act detached and work on how we think about out sitch but for the feelings to change it takes time.

and i like zig's approach (with homage to pema of course) to be gentle with our feelings, to allow space for them and creating space around them for something else to form... and in so doing they pass through and lose their power over us.. bc often our frenzy and panic comes from not allowing those feelings, from being scared that we can survive them..

maybe that is why it is frustrating to hear sometimes that we need to detach.... it feels as if we don't control it.. and the truth is that we control parts of it but not all... we can control our actions and our thoughts, but the feelings which change as a result of the first two are not something we control...and they take time..