Starsky did it in 2 months, I did it in 18 months. I don't think Starsky is any tougher than me or prideful... sorry Starsky. I just think that his situation was different than mine. For example, I was a terrible H and BF in many ways to my W for 7 1/2 years. Not in every aspect, but in many. I caused my W hurt that I knew was not going to heal easily or quickly. For me, 2 months was simply not enough time.
I would agree with Denver on this distinction. It's basic "Plan A"/"Plan B" stuff (see Harley), but the whole purpose of the "Plan A" period is for your wayward spouse to "see the new you" -- see your improvements, and see what they'd be missing if they don't come back to the marriage. I believe Harley says that 6 months is the longest one should Plan A (I'll have to look that up), I've found that some people can endure it better than others. For me, I simply couldn't continue to condone an active affair as it violated my own integrity. I DO think that the worse your marriage was prior to the affair, and the worse YOUR CONTRIBUTION to the dysfunction was, you do probably have to "Plan A" longer than someone who was basically a good and faithful spouse prior to their wayward spouse's infidelity. I was no saint, but when my in-laws asked my wife what her BIGGEST complaints with me were, she said "He spends too much time on the computer" (this would be on my laptop, on the opposite couch from her in the evenings, 8 feet away from her as we watched TV together) and "He's always at those damned ballfields" (I coached our boys' baseball teams).
