STE, my W made a lot of efforts to talk in person with me or over the phone. There are a number of reasons that did not work for me, such as my own attachment and how convo would "go south" and also my W would say things in one convo and then different in another and I really thought I was going crazy.
Anyhow, I chose email only and that kept me both detached and also kept a record of what was said, so when my W would change her mind, I had evidence (strictly for my own peace of mind) of the contradictory information. And it also helped me to learn how to deflate my own emotional attachment and learn how to stay on focus with my W if things went in a bad direction.
And as I said, I agree with Bond, my W also at one point accused me of having an A. The whole convo shows the dynamic of the roller coaster or pursuit / distance. Good that you are choosing OFF the roller coaster.
Bond's last paragraph is spot on, IMHO. And further to that, only be "dim" as long as you need to, for you. Once you are stable, DO engage him in other forms of comm. The more access he has to you, the more he sees your changes and the good of you... well, the it may have positive results...
Just understand that while he is pursuing, he may get uncomfortable in his desire for you and spew again. It's likely his way of trying to protect himself... he has his reasons to spew and they are NOT about you... If he's spewing... he's likely struggling internally...
