Ok, so I have already exceeded my two posts a day recommendation from you Kaffe Diem. Sorry, and I am working on the really deep breaths too. I am trying to keep them short, but this crap is just pouring off my chestwithin the last 24 hours. I am so weighted down after spending all those days with him and just do not know where to turn next to vent this stuff so I do not blow up on him the next time he goes crazy on me. I want to get rid of this stuff though before he comes back here again in less than 2 weeks. It is as though his depression is contagious to me. I can feel his pain and it hurts me terribly as well. I would take all that pain from him though if he would just get some help. That is why I took all the ange, spewing, threats and name calling for those weeks as best I could so he would get it off his chest. It does seem to have helped as we have not had a nuclear war with hours of fighting since then believe it or not.
In the last few weeks I have walked around with what he calls a "silly zen-like yoga new age smile" that seems to shock him and at times make him crazy.
But it is my mouth that is the problem. And much of it is coincidental. For example, I have a friend from the gym who is dating a man 16 years older than her. We were talking about her situation and basically how she is using him and enjoying it because he is so stupid. (Not a nice girl I know, but I do enjoy working out with her as she is a professional body builder.) Cuckoo eavesdrops and overhears the conversation and there were many similarities to his situation with the little girl apparently. For example, friend was saying how she told man he was the best lover she ever had, how he was the biggest built in the sex field, how he saved her from a meaningless life, how she loved cooking for him, how much she respected him, how she fooled him at first by paying for everything herself so he would trust her, and how now she gets everything she wants from him now since he is such a whipped pup, so I should try that now that I am free from the Cuckoo. The only thing I responded was to decline her off, laugh, and say that she is immoral and predatory, but if he is that stupid I guess they are both getting something from the relationship. Honestly, I had no idea Cuckoo was hiding behind the door at this time, but when we got in the car, he had a funny strange frozen look on his face, almost like he was going to cry. He remained silent most of the way home and was in a funk for over an hour after that. He never brought it up though and I only know he heard since the gym owner told me he was standing near Cuckoo, also overheard the conversation, and could not get Cuckoo to come out from behind the door. I waited for Cuckoo to say something so I could smooth things over and explain but he never raised the issue. I feel just horrible about that and have not spoken to her since but still I know it hit a bit too close to home for him perhaps and might have really hurt him. I just don't know. But then again, when stuff like that happens, he seems to deflect it as being not related to his circumstance.
