Thank you, I am sure you are correct that my behaviors are making the situation worse, but I have been trying hard these last 6 weeks to make things better, with only the couple fights really bad where I lost my temper. But that said, I take responsibility for being stupid enough to have lost my temper those times. It is just that I mourn so deeply for the man that was and now I have the monster that just keeps randomly jumping out at me with both hands swinging. For example, one day he sent me a series of messages that simply said, "F**k You C**t" 57 times repeatedly. Boy did that shock me, followed by an explanation of why he was a man and the other guy was a pansy. Good morning to you too cuckoo!
As to before the cuckoo behavior, we were so close, so in tune with each other. Once when he wakened in the middle of the night sick in another country, I wakened at the same time in the US with a terrible pain in my stomach. I called him 5 minutes later only to find he was in the bathroom sick. We shared everything, a good sex life for the most part, an interest in the same areas of study and research, valued education, love travel, came from tough family situations, both had prior bad marriages, both same core political values, enjoyed the same sporting and leisuretime activities, both love dogs and wanted those instead of kids. We wrote books together, and did publishing together, always reading the other person's work before submittall. He was always jealous but then so was I. We were so focused on each other always that we had few outside friends truthfully. He is very much an introvert while I was always more of an extrovert. When we met I was still in school while he was teaching, but he helped me to become a better scholar, learn focus and dedication, and achieve my dreams. I gave up so much to be with him, moving around the country with him while he went from one one year job to the next before he found a tenure track job, but I thought it was an investment in our future together, what an idiot I was. So if that is normal, then yes, he was a normal guy.