Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[Denver_2010]

Starsky... and Denver and any others who have R...

If you asked your spouse, why did they choose to R? What would their responses be? Would they say it was because of something specific you did, that could relate to a specific DB method? Or would they say it was because they changed their mind or decided it was what they wanted?

My would probably say two things... well, in fact, she has told me these two things:

1) That i did sincerely change. She told me months ago that she saw that I had changed, that her family had seen it, and that she believed it. Her problem, at that point, was that she was still unable to forgive me for hurting her like I had. At that point, she was unsure that she ever could.

and

2) That I was patient and gave her the time for her to learn and grow as a person... to figure out why she was unable to be happy with herself before. And it is obvious that she is not the same person that I first met. She is stronger now, more independent. It is actually very nice to see. I feel that she is more of an equal partner with me and not someone who I have to carry, someone whose problems I have to fix all of the time.

She recently told me that there are two sides to her... 1) the side that wants to pursue her singing, to travel, to be a free spirit, and 2) the side to her that wants to be a good mom, a good wife... basically the domesticated side. What she realized during our S is that the first part of that was not being attended to. So that is something that we are now both aware of and can address going forward.

In sum, patience, time, and change demonstrated by consistent behavior over a long period of time.