Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[Denver_2010]

In my opinion, it's far from too early to employ the tougher stance. from starsky to busting

denver - i believe you read that wrong. from what i understand of this sentence starsky is saying that it is not too early to take the tougher stand to busting

Agreed. I did read that wrong.

Well, Like I've said, I don't always agree with Starsky. LOL. I don't know Busting's situation though. I haven't read the posts. Maybe Starsky has. Either way, my point still stands. Every situation is unique. Busting may be at the point where the tougher approach may be appropriate. Or she may not. Only she can decide that.

Like I said before, 1) spend a period of time showing WAS that your changes are real, that you are a person only a fool would leave, and that he/she does not have to fear the past; and 2) then take that option away.


and of course the crucial question - when is it time to take that option away? and how do you know it's time?

I think my answer to that is that you will just know. For me I was driven by my instinct. Most of the time, my instincts were right. I look back on things, and maybe if I pulled the D trigger sooner I could have avoided some of the pain that I endured. But one, I was not ready to pull that a trigger until that point when i did. And two, had I pulled it sooner, the result may have been different. It was all on instinct and how i felt. When I pulled that trigger though, it was not a tactic. I was indeed done. My W was the only one that was going to save our M at that point.

now i see the first real glimpses of feeling where i know that i could take that option away, eventually. but i also sense that i am not fully there yet.

Then definitely don't do it. It can't be a tactic IMO. You have to be fully there... D-O-N-E. Only you can decide when that is. But i think that you will know.

In the meantime, you do all of the other things that we learn here. GAL, detach, work on you. Live life and try to find some peace and enjoyment. And trust me, I struggled with that stuff A LOT.

it is a process to get there, and for the life of me, from where i'm standing ,one has to be one tough cookie to do it any other way.

Agreed.