Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[Denver_2010]

I think that how the affair is handled while the WAS is in it and ' happy' is probably much different than if the WAS is ready to R again and feels remorse or at least the desire to try and save the M.

Absolutely true IMO. The bottom line is that you will not be able to reconcile your M until your WAS's feelings for OP have been resolved. You have no control over this part. You cannot expedite it or force it. In fact, I believe that the WAS themselves have very little control over it. I mean we are talking about feelings here. They can't just make their feelings go away any more than you can make your feelings for your S go away. It has to be resolved on its own. And that takes time... lots of it. And patience by you. The question is whether or not you want to be there when it is done. Then you can start thinking about reconciling.

I guess what I am trying to ask/ say is that it seems like their are different times during an affair at which we do can do certain actions...?

Definitely. I agree with Starsky that it is probably too early for you to do anything drastic. You need to spend some time just being the person that you want to be. Hopefully your H will see that and begin to hesitate with the decisions that he is making presently.

Like I said before, 1) spend a period of time showing WAS that your changes are real, that you are a person only a fool would leave, and that he/she does not have to fear the past; and 2) then take that option away.

I'm definitely not saying that this is the path that all of us should take. I'm telling you what worked for me.