Piecing - Round 1

[Denver_2010]

That is absolutely freaking awesome Denver. Im so happy for you (and trust me thats not something I would normally say cause it sounds really weird for one man to say it to another in my mind. LOL) But just knowing how awesome that would make me feel and knowing the length of your journey it has to be incredible to hear those words said unprompted.

Just keep working at it slowly. I know as men we see a crack and wanna jerk the door wide open so avoid that instinct and simply continue on the path you've had and I foresee you having a long happy marriage.

And I have to agree with everyone else, snooping will get you nothing but trouble, and the reason is that while she may be ok with it right now, if you don't stop doing it, she will get sick of it long before your ready to give it up, which will simply feed your snooping instinct.

I still have a key to our house, and have only used it to let my son in to get things when she has asked me too. The last time I walked in with him and her ipad was laying on the end table and I turned around and got the heck out of there. I knew if I didnt that i'd go through the ipad and I promised her that I was done snooping the last time we went through this, if she chooses to lie to me i'll find out eventually and that will be that, but im not going to check on her.

Two reasons, #1 it wasn't/isn't good for you to do. If your like me some things would get taken out of context and we would end up in arguments that really didnt have to be. And #2 your wife is a grown woman who is capable of making her own decisions....you can't control what she's doing any more than you can control whether or not the sun rises tomorrow, so why not learn to give up control completely and trust. I know to some it will sound naive and to those who have read my thread it will probably sound like advice that I need to follow myself. The point is controlling behavior....and snooping is just that...will eventually bite you and really in the end what good does it do anyway?

To me its like trying to figure out if my wife is MLC, WAW, early stage menopause, EA, PA....who the heck knows but at the end of the day does it matter anyway? Would the approach I take be different if I knew....maybe just slightly, but mostly no....its the same...limit contact, improve yourself, get a life...its all the same no matter what. Hopefully you get my gist of why snooping is the same thing....is it going to change what you do if you find something...sure it is your going to be done with it correct? So do you think if there was something to find there you would never find out about it without snooping? Of course you would...might take a little longer, but you'd find out eventually.

And you said yourself you know when she's lying so looking through her phone may hurt you in the long run....maybe not...but theres no way it can help you is there? Remember do what works(helps) and dont do what doesnt. Its really that simple.

I tend to agree Carnac. I am still new to this part of the process. Starsky and Jack have certainly been right at times where I have disagreed. But I'm not really disagreeing with them. I just haven't had the specific conversation with my W about verifying. And I'd rather trust my instincts and spend my energy working on trusting my W, and being happy.

Interestingly enough, this topic is being discussed in the New comers forum.