I would not say your probably right this is not working....
I would Listen and say ..... i'm not sure how i feel about x. I'll get back to you. Do not commit to anything. Keep her guessing.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I would agree with Eric on this. Regardless of what she says I would tell her that you understand how she feels but that you need some time to think about it. Don't commit to anything, don't push her to commit to anything, and don't make any rash decisions. You are going to be much better to your family if you figure out what you need and want before you rush into anything.
And yes Eric I understand the irony of me saying that.
M 39, W 34 M 15 S 14, S 12, S 9, D 7, D 6 Separated: 7/2/2012 Served: 7/10/2012 Divorced 11/5/2012
Can you tell me what tomorrow's powerball numbers are gonnabe. Look dude you do not know what she is gonna say. Stop thinking the worst. Be calm...be strong. Keep level headed and please do not beg her to stay.
So raise ur right hand.... right now and repeat after me.... ibwill listen.... i will not commit to anything.....i will respond with as little as possible and ginally....
I will and i am not afraid!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Regardless of what she says I would tell her that you understand how she feels but that you need some time to think about it.
The last time the D word came up (7/30) at my house, I told my H I understood how he felt, which made him even madder and he told me I did not. I would definitely not commit. Maybe saying I understand that you feel that way or I apprecaite that you feel that way would work.
M44 H57 D17 (special needs) M 18 yrs Bomb 7/2/12 Still living together
Regardless of what she says I would tell her that you understand how she feels but that you need some time to think about it.
The last time the D word came up (7/30) at my house, I told my H I understood how he felt, which made him even madder and he told me I did not. I would definitely not commit. Maybe saying I understand that you feel that way or I apprecaite that you feel that way would work.
We do remind people that the LBS won't find the "perfect words" or "do the right thing" to make it all better and save our Ms.
Having said that, it seems a fairly acceptable understanding that saying, "I know/understand how you feel" will result in the "no you don't" response...
Where saying, "I understand how (or that) you feel that way" is actually believable and acceptable validation language. We aren't saying we know how they feel, because contextually, we may not. Even IF we have had similar feelings. What we ARE saying is... we understand that what ever feeling the WAS is having, it is theirs, their right to own, and acceptable... that sentence DOES validate...
Just realize the WAS may not hear it the way we say it...
