Interpretation of MWD and DR regarding infidelity

[zig]

we're back to the same argument again, in a way - who does what in their sitch when.

starsky - you were ready - you were in a place where you could do that. most of us here are not - as MWD says - you can't say those types of things unless you are really ready for the negative outcome also.

you were ready for that right away in a sense weren't you?

so if one isn't ready - what are the alternatives, if they were to be put clearly and concisely for most to follow here

i think when you state it in those unequivocal terms as in your above post, it leaves a lot of us floundering as to what is the right thing to do then

there are so many mixed messages, and i understand that there is no clear cut solution that applies to everyone, so maybe the info should be presented with alternatives so that people can see that it is not so black and white.

the lbs's are in a fragile spot for a very long long time, before they can build the confidence and self-esteem back again in order to be in a position where other choices are as attractive. meanwhile - encouraging them to focus on getting to that place seems much more lucrative for them in the long run than saying that this extreme stance is what you should be heading for, don't you think? that is assuming that they are not able to be ok with either outcome yet

i don't want to challenge - just cannot understand what the point is to push that on anyone who is obviously not in a place to be able to do it yet

one thing that i have come to be grateful for during my sitch is the time factor. i can see now that if i hadn't had all this time i couldn't really have made these changes at the deep level that i have managed to until now. that has helped me still retain faith in some way. if h's A had resolved and he had turned around within a couple of months, i doubt i would be in a good place right now. that is something to think about in terms of the time factor for ourselves.

zig