I guess I am ready to tell my story now. My fiancee and I have been together 12 years. We planned to be married last fall but my financial aid for the last year of law school did not come through until too late in the summer. He is a professor in Missouri while I went to law school in Illinois, so we lived apart. He is 46 while I am 44. September he buried himself in work, studying a foreign language with a group of women online plus teaching etc. We planned to be in that country for the summer for research and honeymoon. My parents planned to visit as well. As you can imagine we were both so busy and he started not having time to talk as much and multitasking while talking with me on Skype. Then when he came home for Christmas he exploded on me for putting on lip gloss while stopped at a red light. Big fight ensued. I could not understand his unusual and over the top anger. We seemed to make up when I turned around and went home. March he sends me a poem on SKype which I did not apparently get the meaning of for him. Sort of a depressing poem about rekindling love between these two old people. The end of April I was leaving for school and got an odd feeling so I checked his email messages. One was from a woman in another country telling him she loved him. I sent a nasty message to him on SKype saying this was exactly what I told him would happen when he spent so much time talking with other women instead of me. I then took off my ring and left. He called and was stunned when I said I was done, that this crap was just like the other time he cheated on me. A couple hours later I we talked some more. He was still in shock and acted frozen,even devastated, but did not want to makeup or come home and work on things. I walked at that point. A couple days later we began exchanging emails and talking. I went there to either makeup or get my things. He was surprised to see me and had a hickey on his neck-totally unlike him, admitted he was already sleeping with another female. I deduced right away through some previous detective work that it was his student, a girl 21 years younger than him. He seemed embarrassed and defensive. I packed my things from that house and he cried and cried but refused to come home and make up. He lost control of his anger and yelled, called me a bunch of names he never used before and waved his hands in my face. So began the war. We went through weeks of name calling, making fun of each others sexual performance, my dating again, but he never mentioned the girl. When he would get really nasty I would tell him to call the little girl since she was impressed with his limpness and his temper and his 10 minutes of performance. But each day we went back to talking all day long. He then bought the very expensive house he and I had been looking at. This from a man who kept track of every penny and worried about finances obsessively. SOme days were good, but still kept insisting we had "fundamental differences." So many fights about that stupidity. I read the contract for his house purchase and changed a bunch of things so that he would be in the US for closing, financing options etc. He thanked me then expldoed the next day over Facebook crap and jealousy. Then could not figure out how to purchase his tickets for the research trip 2 weeks away. I did that for him, then paid for them as for some reason our joint credit card was not working. He had no idea why it did not work-again crazy. Then on his trip back to his mother's house, not here, he called me and began screaming. I kept hanging up. Finally he threated to come to the house and kill me. He said it would be better than any sex to feel his hands around my throat squeezing the last breath from my body. I told him to come here and go to jail. Then I hung up. A few hours later he called back and apologized. I had the locks changed etc. Then the next day we talked again but I was still mad about the threats so not nice. He kept wanting my help and understanding-saying he did not mean what he said and I should have known that. I told him again to leave me alone and act that way to the little girl-that I was not impressed with that juvenile behavior. Again he got mad and said he would call her since I goaded him into it. Ah, must be true love. Then no contact for two days. Then more anger and threats. Then asked me to take him to the airport. I did it just to make sure he left. All this time he was acting so bizarrely-facebook posts about how he is Thor-god of the world, song clips from new music he never listened to before, forgetting everything. I took him to the airport and he stopped on the way to "talk" but just kept staring at me. Hugged me twice at the airport, then later posted on my facebook "maybe, maybe" meaning maybe we would make up he said. Called me so often the first week he was abroad his phone was shut off due to a bill that was over $1500 in a week. Then continued to talk to me from a phone there and on FB/Skype. Discussed me coming to the city to spend the summer with him. But then I found out the little girl would be there. Fight again ensued. But kept talking with me everyday for hours. Even while staying there with her, he would be on the computer 2-5 hours a day with me. He even told the little girl he was doing that. He scheduled their trips around my availability to talk. Still more jealousy from him, refused to talk on SKype with the video feed except two times. Lots of closeness in words though. Told her lots about what we talked about. I in the mean time continued to go out and GAL alot. Then began telling me he missed me and the dogs. I said I missed him as well. Then return home. I found pictures of all these things he had done abroad that were so uncharasteric of him. He would lie to me and tell me about all the work he was getting done but the time frames did not match so I knew he was not doing the work-this from a man who was always ver dedicated to his work, organized, clear thinking. He came home and asked to come here. I told him I did not know. He was agitated and swore it would not be ackward. I told him the only way I would go on the week long research trip to another university with him is if he came here for a day and we saw how things went. I got my hopes up, but then found out the little girl was with him at his mother's house. He then changed the day to come here. I was not happy but did not argue. He sent me an email saying he had to change the day because of "obligations" and said he knew it was only two days before our research trip then suggested he would stay here a couple days after the trip. I did not answer that part. Then he showed up on the day with a large suitcase! WTF? He stayed and we had one fight in which he was just nuts, threatening to leave etc-all the usual MLC BS. I ignored as much as possible. He puched walls etc but stayed. We went on the research trip and he was fine for a bit, but then nuts. I caught him messaging the little girl so I woke up early (we were sharing a dorm room) and began messagine and giggling a male. He was furious, went to another room to sleep. Later he seemed fine so I went to workout with him. He is falling apart physically-aches and pains everywhere. Tried to blow out his knee that was so swollen he could hardly lift it, and said if he could not walk, "it is all over since I won't live like that." I ignored his mood and kept working out. On the way back to the room, I jogged between two guys on the street who said some complimentary things to me and Cuckoo ran over to my side and glued himself to me. Then he said I would be better off without him to which I replied "I am a grown woman and will make my own choice." Then back at the room, I had lunch and he came up behind me and said, "Aren't I a joy to be around?" I told him his moods did not bother me as I was used to them. He went nuts and began throwing furniture and describing how much he hates and despises me. I was stunned for a minute but blew up eventually, told him I had another man and to get over it. I then told him I was tired of his created fantasy world and blew up the lies he had been telling the little girl. He told her he had led such an "unusual, exciting, and non'traditional life" What crap-mommy paid for his school, he never work, is twice divorced, and is a regimented man who eats at the same time, always the same food, and to bed by 11. What the hell is unusal about that? He ended up in the bathroom crying. He was so depressed. I walked away. He came out and said we are mortal enemies among other things. He left and so did I. Later we worked out together, and he began helping me with my research??? Again WTF??? So I pretended nothing happened. Then several good days. Then home where he acted the most normal I have seen him for months. But a few days later, I sensed he was restless. The next day he told me he was leaving. (While at the house, he would get up in the middle of the night and walk around the dark house talking to himself, spent a bunch of time talking about sex and masturbation, and acting like a teenager-singing songs with the lyrics changed to include our dogs etc. even came in the bedroom and had breakfast in bed with me twice, but no sexual contact-just kept talking about the dogs and me, in an odd way, like saying our one dog was mad at me for x,y, or z-always something like not being kind or loving to the dog etc, then said things like the dogs loved him, he was their hero etc, and he lost everything, passprt, phone charger, key to the room, stole blankets from there, obsessively carried his phone everywhere but never on it when I could catch him, paid huge amounts of attention to what I was doing on the computer, who called me etc, caught him staring at my bust several times, just acting like a teenager, even our suitemate who has known him for 20 years commented on how crazy he was acting). When he was getting ready to leave here, he was almost manic but I could see earlier tears in his eyes, in fact tears were there several times throughout the visit. I did not cry in front of him ever. In fact when he was packing, I began whistling, singing and dancing. He was so puzzled when I did not beg him to stay and acted as though I did not care one way or another. He discussed that there was powder on the butt of my yoga pants, and asked why I was wearing them. I told him I liked wearing them since I did not have to wear underware with them-hahaha then he asked about belly dancing-I took a class in that while he was abroad. He then waundered off into the bathroom for a few minutes. He said he had to go, but then the dogs wanted a walk so he suggested we take them for a short walk, but them suggested they go wading in the river, then home. OK, so he gets ready to go, and walks to the car with no hug or affection, I then say I hope you enjoyed the visit. He says, "I did for the most part," to which I replied, I did also for the most part. He stared at me for a minute then got in his car and I went back inside, no waving like we usually did before the split. He wants to go to the art museum in the city as well as to spend some time here before he goes back to teaching. I said, I suppose that is ok, but he will have to call me when he wants to do those things. Today I did not hear from him, but know he was on FB and talked to the little girl. I hid from him because I was just too worn out to talk. So here we are to date.

Questions: 1. Is he entering the depression stage #4 of the 6?
2. No more talk of our "fundamental differences" since I told him I agreed that we had one major fundamental difference-I faced the problems and turned to him when he had the affair years ago, while he turned away from me and curled up into a weak little ball instead of coming to me with the problems and working on them this time. Just seemed to think about everything I was saying. Did it sink in? Recently he has been quoting things I said to him as though he said the things-is this normal? He also uses alot of profanity when speaking to her and stupid juvenile phrases like "cool man" or calling her "hippie chick-you rock" But then he makes nasty comments about the guy who calls me babe, wishes he would die in Afghanistan or whereever he deploys to, and made some comment about how the guy and I would be together but for the deployment so I was not really choosing him over that guy.
3. He seems to be using the little girl as a bandaid-all their messages begin and end with what I am doing or saying, how I don't know what I want, how if I still loved him I would want him back, how angry she is at me for hurting him, and how she thinks he is man enough for her and she has sex dreams about him. From the tone of the messages, he is getting tired of her in some ways, the messages are getting shorter, but he still talks with her on the tele and I don't know what they say. He turns to her when he is mad at me, when he gets upset when I talk about moving away, when he reads a FB post from another man about me, when he hears or sees me flirting with another man etc. He seems scared to be alone. Talk about affairing down. THis girl has turned herself inside out to be what he wants, and still he spends his time on the computer with me. She is also a depressive and encourages him to say things like he is a misanthrope and hates 99% of humanity etc. I think he is using her and am not threatened by her at all. Now she is copying my likes from FB and the activities I do since he is telling her those. She even says she does not know if she can "bear to leave him to go to graduate school". What puke inducing crap he never would have put up with from me. What is your opinion of that relationship and the chances of it for the future?
4. He seems to be able to switch from adult with me to other person on a dime, but is usually adult with me since I freaked him out for awhile playing along with his craziness. For example when he called himself Thor, I said I was Freija-female goddess of sex etc. But with his students/little girl he continues that crap. He does not know I know about the arcade activities and such he participated in abroad, but when I said I did those same activities he made fun of the childishness of those activities. What is with that? He also posts snippets of songs from new groups that he used to hate, refuses to w.ear his glasses much of the time, talks about his "old face and gray hair", talks of how he and I are getting old, never compliments me-just stares at my new figure-lost 25 lbs and work out regularly now-still an E cup though, 5'6" 135lbs, muscular. He also tells me he is not sad about leaving the country he was in with the little girl, that it had "run its course" whatever the heck that means, but then he was with her for a few days at his mom's although I do not think he planned that-she did, and sent her messages while we were together at the university doing research. But he did not call her or text her from the house as I requested. He did not even tell her or his mother that he was here, just lied to both and disappeared.
5. Still says he does not know how he feels about me. Seems scared I will hurt him again-even though he hurt me as well, and I never called him such vile and vulgar names etc. What is with the tears in his eyes but then the manic mood when he was leaving? Is this depression or MLC stuff or fear or a combination? Or is he just keeping me as a security fall back person?
6. I now seem to have morphed into the other woman-but no sexual contact? What is with that?
7. Is there something else I should do now? Yes, I love him and want to work things out with him. Yes, I have made significant changes, including not answering him when he gets nasty-except when he started throwing furniture-done alot of DBing, speak softly at all times, tons of GALing, tons of progress with work including publications and progress on my doctorate in ps, as well as a seperate masters in law, joined a bunch of fitness classes, sporting events, stopped eating poorly, learning the foreign language he speaks and uses for research, tons of reading, home improvements, teaching yoga, etc.
8. He never took off the necklace I gave him years ago but I took off the necklace, bracelet, and engagement ring. I put those back on when he was home, sans the ring, but now wonder if I made a mistake doing that? He had said to me, why should he wear the necklace if I was not wearing his. Made sense, but why is that important to him if he does not know how he feels about me? He rubs and adjusts the necklace constantly, not seeming to even realize he is doing that much of the time. He says the necklace reminds him of good times.
9. He is horribly forgetful, about to get into trouble at work if he cannot write this book, bought a huge very expensive house in a small town that will eat up much of his money but says he is not staying there longer than another year, but has not taken my name off the credit card we shared or the bank accounts, or changed his address or taken any of his possessions from the house. What is with that?
10. Should I keep doing things for him like buying the tickets for his trip, paying his car insurance, paying his credit card bill, making appointments he asks me to make for him or should I as I did with the car insurance, tell him calmly and quietly that if he is not going to be around here, he will have to get his own?
11. Today the cuckoo is back to posting messages about how much he loves our dogs, how beautiful their souls are, how people should just kiss his "black and tan ass" etc and other prof's are commenting on this in negative ways. Is he nuts? What does this behavior mean? Is is a sign of him wanting to stay in Replay?
Any advice or comments would be most appreciated. Thank you for your time!