second time newcomer, back for more

[badcompany]

I'm so scared. Like I'm reliving our separation. Last night my mom kept the kids overnight, so we went to dinner, then for a walk where we just enjoyed (I hope) each others company, and then came home to a quiet house on the couch to watch a tv show.

Therapist is all booked up, I'm nervous the longer she waits to go, the deal is sealed.

[badcompany]

I feel like by backing off and giving space I'm giving space for someone else to move closer

[NASCARDaddy]

BC I know the feeling, that is exactly what is going on in my relationship. The thing is that at least at this point she is not going to find anyone who is better then you and 90% of all rebound relationships go nowhere.

[badcompany]

I'm not sure this is like last time where I needed the changes. Maybe she just is tired of being committed or she's not in love anymore or ?????

[badcompany]

Last year I lost my job of 12 years (plant closed) so I took a new job with mandatory 12 hours, I get 15 days a month off now.

We have many days off a month together

[badcompany]

I don't want to be 'that guy', but I forgave her for infidelity, and helped her raise OM's child. I've loved her unconditionally For the past 3 years since, being everything she wanted me to be. I don't know how someone else could be better ?

[ericmsant2]

BC

I'm so scared

I know man…but try not to be.

Here’s the thing….why are you so scared?

Have you put HER on a pedestal?

Are you afraid you will never be with her again?

Are you afraid that YOU can’t fix this?

Like I'm reliving our separation

RIGHT NOW YOU ARE NOT. The more you tell yourself this the more afraid you will be.

so we went to dinner, then for a walk where we just enjoyed (I hope) each others company, and then came home to a quiet house on the couch to watch a tv show.

Dinner was good (assuming SHE wanted that) and a walk is good. What did you talk about? Coming home to a quiet house and watching TV is also good SOMETIMES….I find coming home and playing strip poker with my lady is much more fun 

Bad….have you researched “Attraction” at all?

I'm nervous the longer she waits to go, the deal is sealed

This type of thinking will make DBing VERY VERY hard. Go for a walk man…get your emotions under control. Okay?

If she senses (and trust me Women are very good at that) that you are scared, nervous, fearful….well then she may (I am not her) question how YOU FEEL about YOURSELF and YOUR CONFIDENCE.

I feel like by backing off and giving space I'm giving space for someone else to move closer

DB101 – change how you LOOK at things…. YOU FEEL like you are giving space for someone else. That is NOT what may be happening.

[Rick1963]

Maybe she sees too much of you now? How about a partime during those days off? just my 2cs

[badcompany]

All good points. I've put her on a pedestal because she's my dream
Woman. Never met anyone like her.


Too much time together ? I work every other weekend and she works 4 days during the week.

She has no time for herself with the kids and work and school.

Definitely afraid I'll lose her for good. Definitely afraid I can't fix this.

Gotten attached to her since our separation. Really got in tune with each other.

[ericmsant2]

Bad

The thing is that at least at this point she is not going to find anyone who is better then you

WHEN YOU REALLY and I mean REALLY FEEL THIS ^^^^ (what Nascar posted) then you will not be afraid buddy.

Maybe she just is tired of being committed or she's not in love anymore or ?????

And DO YOU think you can CONTROL HER? If that is HOW she FEELS….then that is HOW she FEELS. Sounds shitty I know… FEELINGS THOUGH change. RIGHT now you are FOCUS ON how SHE FEELS vs HOW YOU FEEL. In short, you have given her the POWER in the R. YOU need to work on FEELING BETTER yourself FIRST.

I don't want to be 'that guy', but I forgave her for infidelity, and helped her raise OM's child. I've loved her unconditionally For the past 3 years since, being everything she wanted me to be. I don't know how someone else could be better ?

Then DON’T be that GUY! The way to NOT be that GUY is to really LOVE YOURSELF and KNOW WHO you are. Does that mean that you will never feel sad or mad…NOPE. It just means that you know that you are a catch and know that you are treating her like a lady.

Also, she has NOT said that she wants out – nor has she really spoken to YOU about HOW she is feeling (at least as it relates to her questioning the M).

Let me give you another perspective…..(and this may seem to be like mind reading – it is not – it is only a perspective)

What if she is questioning the M right now….she is feeling overwhelmed by everything and based on her history AFRIAD to talk to YOU about it for FEAR that you may take it the wrong way. What if what she needs right now is to see you be a man and stand by her while she works HER own chit out?

In the above, you are freaking out…and she is probably picking up on it. Hence, go out, go for a walk, take stock of who YOU are..and give her the SPACE she may need to work through it.

Try to create some attraction and do something DIFFERENT (db101).

Gotten attached to her since our separation. Really got in tune with each other.

Attached or Codependent?

Stop BREATH……. BC…STOP and BREATH….

Do not let the PAST of the TWO of YOU DEFINE YOUR FUTURE!

Eric