This ^^^^^ though... does leap to the assumption that the AP WANTS back... under the LBS terms and conditions, though...
It's a dead end road the BP doesn't.
IMHO, that is a MAJOR part of this.
None of this works, unless and until the WAS CHOOSES to come back. Which kinda brings it back around to, why would the LBS WANT to come back to someone who is "collecting info" on them, constantly pushing the OP in the face of the AP, etc, etc...
Which to me, is the nature of the interpretation of the method...
Yes, in some cases it works... and in other cases it doesn't... that's a circular argument for sure and usually ends in agreeing to disagree...
Which TO ME is why MWD first and foremost stresses about forgiving and providing a safe emotional environment for the WAS to come back to... A or no A...
None of this works, unless and until the WAS CHOOSES to come back. Which kinda brings it back around to, why would the LBS WANT to come back to someone who is "collecting info" on them, . . .
Well, my strong intention would be that they never find out (not talking about the "full transparency" stage of piecing -- that needs to be mutually-agreed-upon and understood), and I would do everything within my ability to keep my efforts discreet.
And if they did find out, as mine did? I would -- and did -- say "I understand you're angry, but everything I'm doing, I'm doing to try to save our marriage, and protect this family."
It's a dead end road if the AP does not want back.
Why would the WAS WANT to come back to someone who is... etc...
Well, exactly, and it ALL depends on how the betrayed spouse conveys and demonstrates that whole "etc" part.
If you come across as a sniveling, conniving, controlling a-hole who's spying on his wife, and talking to her family behind her back, and doing NOTHING to address your own contributions to the breakdown of the marriage . . . then no, it's not going to work. NOT ATTRACTIVE.
If, however, your "verifying" is but one piece of an overall plan that comes across as a strong man, doing his best under difficult circumstances to lead his family, including doing what's necessary to protect its interests . . . and maybe even if it comes across as a whole "I HATE to even HAVE TO DO THIS, but ..." . . .
Then MONDO ATTRACTIVE. Such leaders are babe magnets.
It's gotta be the whole package, and be SINCERE and REAL.
