It's a dead end road if the AP does not want back.
Why would the WAS WANT to come back to someone who is... etc...
Well, exactly, and it ALL depends on how the betrayed spouse conveys and demonstrates that whole "etc" part.
If you come across as a sniveling, conniving, controlling a-hole who's spying on his wife, and talking to her family behind her back, and doing NOTHING to address your own contributions to the breakdown of the marriage . . . then no, it's not going to work. NOT ATTRACTIVE.
If, however, your "verifying" is but one piece of an overall plan that comes across as a strong man, doing his best under difficult circumstances to lead his family, including doing what's necessary to protect its interests . . . and maybe even if it comes across as a whole "I HATE to even HAVE TO DO THIS, but ..." . . .
Then MONDO ATTRACTIVE. Such leaders are babe magnets.
It's gotta be the whole package, and be SINCERE and REAL.
