Divorce was something that I thought always happened to someone else. I would bet most of us here believed that to be true for them also since they felt the need to come to this board in the first place.
It's normal to look back with regret about what you might have done to cause this. We all have regrets and we all own some blame even if it's no more than not being tuned in to the cracks that were forming in our relationships. I thought for a very longtime that if I had been more into ex and not so into my kids that that would have made the difference. I understand now that that's not the case at all. We all have baggage that we bring into our marriages. Some of us are stronger and deal with what we didn't get or may have missed out on as part of life. Then there are those that are wounded and weak, and it takes something like a MLC for them to stand up for themselves and wanting to make up for all of the things they feel they missed out on. They end up acting like spoiled children. To be honest, what you described of the way you acted towards your wife sounds much the same.
Since you sound as if you have some remorse and understanding of your contribution to the demise of your relationship, that's a great place to start. Maybe it's too late for your ex but it can only help you in the next relationship. That's a great thing! If you ever had the opportunity to tell your ex what you wrote here, I'm sure she would appreciate hearing it.
I have been seeing a guy for quite a few years now. Weird thing is that he treats me better than my ex ever did. I chalk that up to him being happy with himself, something my ex never was. I have kids and even though they are older I still feel that they need Mom, since Dad flaked out and is no where to be found. So for now my new relationship is chugging along, happily. Who knows where this will take us in the future but I'm enjoying the ride for now.
