New to DB

[mamabird]

Inga,
Another thing that has helped me a lot is keeping track of the baby steps. After my H asked me to leave, he couldn't talk to me without exploding. Every conversation would disintegrate into an hour long monologue on why I was a vile person. Then, after that, he couldn't talk to me or even look at me AT ALL for a while.

Finally that broke too, and he started to be able to look me in the eye. During our MC we got a lot on the table, even though we only went 3 sessions. My point is, keep track of the little things...

Now I am at the point with him where he doesn't rush out of the house when I arrive, and we can even laugh a little bit. Our conversations seem more relaxed. We're spending more time in the house together, although he doesn't want to be in the same room yet or have a meal together.

Focus on the baby steps and the positive changes, even if they are small. Michele's concept of goal setting is a good one. What could be your next, small goal with H? It could be as small as "get him to smile at me during a conversation." or "talk for 10 minutes without yelling."

If you are as impatient as I am, focusing on these small changes will help you feel like you are making progress.