New to separation. Am I doing the right things?

[Accuray]

Rough,

Let it go. Your W teed up her frustrations to you very explicitly a few weeks ago, your financial situation made her feel so anxious and worried that she couldn't take it anymore.

I *truly* believe that she wants to work things out with you, I really think she's desperate for you to get your financials in order, get a better job with less variable, get out of debt, etc.

I think lately she's been feeling better about you, she's been making overtures.

I think when she saw that you went out and bought a phone, something she considered to be an extravagance, you TRIGGERED HER FEARS that nothing would ever be better, because she saw you acting in a way that she considered to be financially irresponsible. Therefore, I think she's angry with herself for the fact that she was feeling better about you and willing to put herself out there again, and you became the focus of that anger.

Now unfortunately it's all based on a misunderstanding because you truly were trying to make your financial situation better.

I echo everyone else's sentiment and wouldn't respond to that at all right now. I would shift your perspective and view it as a reaction based in fear, not anger. She wants to get back together, she wants you to come through for her.

Unfortunately explaining yourself isn't going to help. Get up, dust off, and keep doing what you were doing. Your financial situation is your key -- that's what she NEEDS from you, to see that you are acting responsibly, making sacrifices, and putting things back together.

She's got you under the microscope, so you can either stop buying anything that might be considered an extravagance to avoid "in the moment" pain, or you can take a long term view, feel confident that you will get to a good place financially within X months, and not sweat the small stuff, taking the bruises as they come.

Accuray