help please new here...

[wont_stop]

You are early in the process. Right now you are going crazy with rage and sadness. This is the most important phase, because you will make the worst mistakes now. I know. I went crazy and made ultimatums, hired detectives, called in the lawyer, and forced a mediation too early. I stopped all this, but it apparently was too late. My WW informed me she wants to get a divorce and be with OM.

Please read the sections on infidelity in the DR book. I wish I had read it when I discovered the affair. It really will help you to handle the situation. Don't pursue, don't follow, improve yourself. Right now, you feel like a broken mess, but that is not who you really are. The steps she lists, especially the 180, will help you to bring yourself closer to the wonderful person you really are and make you stronger. It's about taking care of yourself, restoring your sanity, and finding happiness without your WS.

Maybe your WS will notice, maybe not. That takes time and PATIENCE (something I have little of :-) ). It's also very hard to do, because you have to show you are living a life that makes you content, without it appearing fake, even though his infidelity is killing you inside.

So please read the DR book and try it. At the very least, it will help you to recover yourself.