Update Today... Apologies if this is a bit discombobulated, but as I'm new to the boards and still on moderation, a flood of updates should be coming...

I must admit I'm not having a good day today at all, but it doesn't make much sense. Last night W called me to catch up and we ended up talking for about two hours. The conversation was pretty fantastic, as they normally are these days. There was plenty of small talk, catching up and just general nice things happening.

Before the phone call (as she told me on Sunday night that she'd be calling on Monday) I wrote down a list of goals for the conversation. Here they are along with my grades:

1. Don't React Negatively if something trying comes up: 100%
2. Keep the conversation light: 75% (toward the end of the conversation, I got a little bit sappy letting her know that "I have my hopes and goals for the future" but for the most part, I feel I did a good job here)
3. No R Talk: 90% (Attributing the hopes and goals talk above as a bit of R talk)
4. Keep the Conversation in the present and future, not the past: 95%
5. Feel good about the conversation when we hang up: 50% (as will become evident through the rest of this post)
6. Don't Interrupt any of her stories or conversations: 100%
7. Hear her laugh: Honestly can't remember if she laughed, so 0%
8. Don't get hooked into an argument or disagreement: 100%
9. Keep the focus on her: 75% as when she asked direct questions about me and my life, I answered in some generalities and some specifics
10. End the Conversation First: 0% She ended the conversation at 11:00 at night saying she needed to go to bed... I'd lost track of time as the conversation was going so well and there didn't seem to be any lulls...

So I accomplished MOST of what I'd set out to do, thus should feel good right? Well today I'm just very depressed I guess. When we have such good, mostly light conversations, it makes me realize how much I miss her. All my GAL and no initiation of contact is going well (or so I think) but nice conversations like the last one we had can make me pretty sad.

I can't see myself "Going Dark" because I want to keep the positive changes in our "relationship" going. I think that when we talk like we did, when I'm able to be a friend and when she hears from me, these are all good things. I think she's at least starting to see the changes I've made are more permanent than she probably believed at first... But at the same time, I don't want to give the impression that I'm just waiting around for her to come back... How do I balance that out?

Mostly, I guess I'm in need of words of encouragement, advice, and someone to remind me that this is a marathon, not a sprint... that IF she's involved in an A (which I'm pretty sure she is, but not 100% as she's never openly admitted to such) I need to remember that this is going to be an even longer marathon, and I want someone to tell me that it's not as hopeless as it seems to be this morning... Thanks guys!